I see London, I see France…… (Part 2 – London)

Posted by TakingItAStepAtATime

I should first explain that I have an aversion to subways. This began back in the 80’s when a group of 8 or 9 of us went to NYC to see Phantom of The Opera. It was Good Friday and we all had the day off from the bank. We went into the city early to spend the day there before the show. At some point during the day, we had to take the subway. We started through the doors and because there were so many of us there was not enough time for all of us to get in before the doors closed – my friend Linda was left on the platform as the doors were closing. Two other friends, Lee and Michael pried the door open so she would not be left behind. That was it for me! I am still to this day terrified that the doors will close leaving someone behind…. So my complaints about the Underground may be just my problem…..

My intention was to write another installment in the “Everything is Related” Series from our most recent vacation, and I will do that next, but there were so many other things I wanted to say about our trip that I decided to put those off for now. There were tips I found and received before we left that came in handy and I wanted to pass them on along with some of my own observations for anyone else that may be heading out to Paris, Disney and/or London.

Really, the only thing that I did not like about London were the trains. Trains, Trains, Trains. They really were the hardest part of our trip for DC as well. The trains and stations were just so very crowded. He did not like having to stand, he did not like having to go from train to train. He did get a bit anxious about it after a day or so. To lighten the mood, I started repeating his “Done” video to him inserting the word “Trains” each time he started looking like he’d had it. “Done” is a video I took of him in Las Vegas when he was “Done of Walking! Done!” – he still remembers it because he was so mad at the time. Making a joke of something he is upset about can help at times.. I can guarantee that if you asked him right now, he would tell you he was “Done of Trains”. He really did not like it at all.

I, of course was anxious from the beginning. I do have rules in place for trains and elevators anyway (did you really think I wouldn’t?) – Due to my train terror explained above – DC has to get on and off arm in arm with me. If the door shuts at least we will be on the same side of it – together. I have elevator rules as well. DC never gets on an elevator first or last, always in the middle. If there are only two of us, then again – it is arm in arm with me. If the door should close, he will be with me on whatever side we end up on and not by himself. Also there’s the Rosalind Shays elevator scene that still haunts me to this day (20 points to anyone that gets that without having to google). So yes, I have always had rules about elevators and trains.

The stations were all very crowded as well. Paddington Station actually holds people at the top of the stairs behind a rope when the Underground gets too crowded. DC really does not like it when I hold his arm, but it was just so crowded everywhere that I had to. It wasn’t up for discussion.

“Mom! My arm is bothering you!”

We did get Oyster Cards for the trains – I believe they can be used for buses as well. They can be pre-loaded for as many days as you wish. The cards need to be swiped to get in and to get out of each station. They are available at the stations, but you can also purchase them on-line ahead of time.

Below are three posts from Autism-Mom with some good information about traveling to London with a child on the spectrum – including a link for the Tower of London “Visiting with children on the Autistic Spectrum”, believe it or not!

THE AUTISM CONNECTION – #1000SPEAK

Tripping Across the Pond. What I Learned from Autism Mums in Other Countries

Getting Ready To Travel

Autism-Mom also tipped me off to Fast Passes or “Fast Track” tickets. I would not have thought to even check for something like that. As the name suggests, the passes will get you into the attractions or sights faster – no lines. They can be purchased for one site or in packages of many different combinations. We purchased ours ahead of time on-line and they really worked out wonderfully. I’ve heard that the line for the London Eye could at times be a good 45 minute, if not longer, wait so I was especially thankful for the Fast Track. We used the Fast Track for the London Eye and the Tower of London, it was very simple.

I was really concerned (as I was in Paris) about finding food DC would eat. This really did not prove to be a problem at all. He did, every once in a while, have a difficult time understanding that chips (“NO Chips! French Fries, PLEEEESE!”) were French Fries. I explained this to him many times before we left on our trip and he seemed to understand it for the first few days. As it turned out many restaurants called them fries or potato wedges. After a few days of reading many different descriptions, I think he just became confused and would no longer understand that chips were French fries.

The train ride from Paris to London was about two hours long. The ride from London to Cardiff was a good two hours as well.

I won’t say much here about the Dr. Who Experience because, you know…… “Spoilers, Sweetie” but I will say that DC had no problem with it. I did, after we came home, for informational purposes, check to see what if any accommodations they might have in place. I was able to find some accessibility information – most of it was for wheelchair access and mobility.

There were a few loud noises and flashes and some yelling of directions and a few scary areas but he did well. The explosions at Charlie and The Chocolate Factory – The Musical, a play we saw later in the week in London upset him more than the explosions in the Dr. Who Experience. Below is a list from the website of what one may have to deal with inside:

Low light levels throughout
Light effects with variable light levels (no strobes or lasers used but occasional flashes)
Special effects (moving floors, smoke and haze)
Involves walking and standing for up to 30 minutes
Various floor surfaces including optional steps
Interactive and static exhibits
Loud audio soundtrack with speech, music and effects

Afterwards there is a walking tour which was maybe a mile, if that. The route was all flat paved surfaces, no hills and really no traffic to contend with.

Back in London…..Camden Market, Piccadilly Circus and Portobello Road are all very crowded areas, Camden Market being the most crowded. I would have liked to have spent more time there, but DC was really having a hard time and then it started to POUR, so back to the train we went. DC is used to walking in NYC but this was much more congested and hard to maneuver because of all of the vendors out on the sidewalks. He did well and made it longer than I expected he would.

Restrooms: Unlike Paris, there were public restrooms to be found, most of which are “pay” Water Closets. They seemed to run anywhere between 20 and 50 pence – so always carry change with you.

The flight home: Vowing that I would never do this again after our flight in to Paris on Open Skies in my crabby post from France, the flight home on American was like night and day. The seats were normal size and there was no juggling involved.

But really, other than the crowds on the trains, DC did well in London. He found food he liked. He saw places he recognized (We will talk about that more in “Everything is Related” The UK (and Paris) Edition. People were friendly and…… they did not put foam in my coffee.

I see London, I see France…. (Part One – France)

Posted by TakingItAStepAtATime

My intention was to write another installment in the “Everything is Related” Series from our most recent vacation, and I probably will eventually, but there were so many other things I wanted to say about our trip that I decided to put those off for now. There were tips I found and received before we left that came in handy and I wanted to pass them on along with some of my own observations (and maybe a little bit of whining and/or venting) for anyone else that may be heading out to Paris, Disney and/or London.

The flight: We fly often – I don’t like it. I don’t think I ever will. I am not afraid of flying I am just so very uncomfortable and I am one that can’t ever sleep on a plane – try as I might, I have never been able to sleep. We flew out of JFK and airport security was surprisingly easy. We were whisked into a Priority Line (I don’t know why) – we did not have to remove shoes, jackets or take anything out of our bags. DC did a great job and the TSA Agents were very nice and easy-going. I never even had to mention his autism.

Having said that – I am always amazed at how many ways the airlines can come up with to make each flight sheer torture. We flew into Paris via Open Skies (Part of British Airways). The seat was THE smallest seat I have ever seen and me with restless leg, knew right away that this would not be good. The smallest seat in the world already had a blanket and pillow in the seat. What do you do with those if you are not going to use them right away? They went into the seatback pocket which only served to limit the amount of room in the smallest seat in the world that much more. Would it not make more sense to distribute them later? Not long into the flight the attendants distributed ipads. Now I have the blanket, pillow and an ipad to juggle in this tiny space. Within 10 minutes after the ipads were distributed they began taking dinner orders! Now we are juggling the blanket, pillow, ipad and a dinner tray. Would it not make more sense, if they were serving dinner so early in the flight to pass the ipads out AFTER dinner?

DC did well during the flight. He will not eat the airline food, so we did have snacks ready for him. I do not eat the airline food either, but always get a tray so DC can have my roll, butter and dessert. So refusing the tray for extra space was not an option.

There were times that I really thought they were going to come and take me away with all of the jumping around in the seat I was doing and there may or may not have been tears (mine) more than once trying to sit still, but I made it – vowing never to do this again.

Paris and Disneyland Paris: A week or so before we left I came across a blog, 10 Tips You Need to Know Before Visiting Disneyland Paris that had some very good information. We were booked at a Disney Hotel, so everything was right there. A few feet away was Disney Village (Disney Boardwalk). At the end of the “Village” were the entrances to Disneyland and Disney Studios. The Village and the Parks were set up much like Disneyland and California Adventure in California. I happen to like Disneyland much more than Disney World, FL. Walk-in, Walk out. I love that.

It looked to me as if they were still using the original disability access method. We have not used the special needs access since DC was very young and I have no experience with the updated method that has recently been put in place in the US. I did look into it later and for information sake and yes, it sounds close to the way I remember it: Info here. Fast passes are available as well but many of the kiosks were not open. Both Disneyland and Disney Studios open at 10:00 am. Staying on Disney property allows you access to Disneyland two hours earlier, at 8:00 am. The downside to this is that only 4 or 5 rides are open and entire sections are closed off. This only proved to aggravate DC as none of the most popular rides were open. He did get to go on “Small World” and “Alice’s Tea Cups” before the park opened.

He was excited to find Snow White’s Scary Adventure. He always loved that ride at Disney World but they did away with it a few years ago. There was also a Pinocchio ride. I don’t think we’ve ever seen that one. One of his other favorite’s is Peter Pan’s Flight. It was a little bit disappointing. Most of the time you are just in the dark. Much of the “scenery” that your ship flies over at Disney World is not there. It was a very bumpy ride, lots of stops and jerks that I really didn’t think were intentional. The words “plummet to our death” may or may not have been said when I had to go on for the second time.

Disney Studios was very much like the one in Florida and California. Unfortunately they did not have “The Great Movie Ride”, one of DC’s favorites. DC was happy to ride the Aerosmith Coaster, the Tower of Terror, The Back Lot Tour – some of his other favorites and the Indiana Jones roller coaster, which we had never seen before at any other park.

The one other tip I will give is to remember to bring things like Tylenol or whatever over-the counter medication that you think you may need. Being preoccupied with trying to sleep on the flight, I remembered the Tylenol PM, but neglected to bring anything else, just in case. They do not sell ANY OVER-THE-COUNTER medications on the property – nothing. If you need aspirin or anything of the sort, you have two options:

The desk will call a pharmacy that will deliver aspirin, Tylenol or whatever for 8 to 10 euros during the day and 42 euros at night.

The second option is to walk down to the main Disney Store in the Village – one of the clerks will then take you to a first aid station where they will distribute one dose of whatever medication you might need. The person needing this medication has to be present. Thankfully DC did not get sick as he did in Florida……

Tipping: Confusing, confusing. As American’s we are used to tipping, but leaving too large of a tip that could prove to be insulting apparently. We did know ahead of time that tipping is really not expected, but it’s very difficult not to tip if you’ve been programmed to do so all of your life. We did not know that service is included in the price of your meal. Good service warrants a couple of extra euros, but not the 15/20% that we are accustomed to.

If you’d like to leave Disney and go into Paris or vise-versa, there is a metro station located on the property in Disney Village, which is very convenient.

We did take the train into Paris one of the days we were there. It started to rain towards the end of the day so we decided to have dinner there before heading back to the train station. We came upon the Café De La Comédie. It was raining but there was actually a customer sitting outside. Inside there was just one couple. What DC will and will not eat is always an issue, but he found “Pizza” on the menu. Doug ordered what he wanted and DC ordered the Pizza. I only wanted to be sure this was a personal size and not anything larger, I made the mistake of asking how big the pizza was. The waiter then went into some sort of tirade in French that seemed to go on forever and then said “personal size”. Ignoring his tirade, which was very difficult for me and not to mention the fact that I have a child with Autism sitting there wondering why this man is yelling at us, I said “good, then he will have the pizza”. He then grabbed the menus looking disgusted after only taking Doug and DC’s order. I said “Can I order something too?” Now he was actually angry and shoved the menu back at me. I didn’t want to send him into another tantrum by looking at the menu for too long, so I just ordered a burger. It was a good burger I have to say.

When it came time to pay the bill, Doug left a cash tip on the table and paid with a credit card. He discovered later that the waiter added 12% to the charge after the fact. So still very confused about tipping. Maybe the 12% (over the 15% we already left – that he did not deserve at all) was really just the “American Up-charge” for horrible service.

Disney Village, Disneyland and Disney Studios were all very nice. I would recommend visiting. There was a language barrier but we really didn’t have any trouble. There were enough different types of restaurants in the Village to suit everyone’s tastes. There is a Starbuck’s in the Village, which may be the only place in France to get coffee, regular coffee with out foam.

Paris, the city – I could live without.

I did receive many great tips for London that I will share next time…..

We sure do have some stories, don’t we?

Posted by TakingItAStepAtATime

Last month I wrote a post All the….small things, based on a conversation with a friend of mine that included snippets from an old website we used to run. It turned out to be my most popular post in April. As I was trying to get a few posts written and scheduled ahead of time to run while we were away on vacation and for the very busy week I expected after we arrived home, I decided to go back to the old website and post a few more snippets on an array of different subjects…. but mostly just plain funny stories.

“Some of the following blurbs are mine (DC was very young at the time) and some are from friends of mine” but all of them show us that yes, we are all crawling in the dark at times – we certainly were back then and really still are to some extent – but there is always humor to be found. We might at times learn something valuable – but most of the time it is just plain funny.

More on Clothing Issues:

You don’t wear your clothes in the pool. If Mom says it’s okay to go in because we forgot the bathing suit (meaning it is okay to go in with your shorts on) you take off all of your clothes (in front of more than 20 people) faster than she can get up to stop you – and go in naked.

You don’t wear your shoes in the water, so water shoes are out of the question.

You don’t go outside with your Pajama’s on, not even just to step out on to the porch to hold the door open for someone as they are pleading with you to hold the door while carrying the largest poinsettia plant ever grown. – Forget it if there happens to be a fire!

Literally Speaking:

My 6 year old plays on a T-ball league for children with special needs. The Coach, in his infinite wisdom, coaching a bunch of 6 year olds who have probably never played baseball before – continued to yell “Choke Up”. My son proceeded to clear his throat each time the Coach gave this direction!

A Kindergartner whose family was moving out of the school district mid-year, wrote a good-bye letter to her teacher. She wanted to tell her how much she will miss her. They had been working very hard on sounding out words in class so she sounded out her letter to her favorite teacher, Mrs. Sheat. She began with:

“Deer Mrs SH#T”(use your imagination)………

My son and I were in the kitchen picking out one of those little boxes of cereal to take on a long car ride. When we came across “Honey Smacks”, he wondered out loud, “Why don’t they call those butt smacks – those hiney smacks…..?” Needless to say I could not speak – I was convulsed with laughter – I had never realized that he thought the word “Honey” was “Hiney” all this time. But I could see how he came to that conclusion after examining the picture of the cereal on the box!

Random Funnies:

While driving to church at Christmas time, my daughter decided it was not fair that Christmas was only one day while Hanukah was eight full days.

“Mom, why can’t we be Jewish?”.

My second daughter piped in immediately “We can’t be Jewish! We’re decaffeinated!”

My son likes to help. At times he can become overly helpful……..like the time he removed all the bamboo stakes from the tomato plants (all twenty of them,) and put the stakes back in the shed where they belong, vines and all.

or…. the time he decided to “weed” the vegetable bed and pulled everything out – weeds, veggies, everything green – then proceeded to dispose of them in the swimming pool…clumps of dirt and all.

He will also dismantle any rock wall I construct and move the rocks to their original pile in back of the shed.

Recently while grocery shopping I asked my son, to get me some orange juice. Feeling so proud that I would ask him – off he went (with his older brother just a few short steps behind him). As his brother watched in amazement, my youngest son climbed up into the cooler and stretched his arm out so far as if he was searching for something. When my oldest son came to his aid he asked “what are you doing in the cooler with your hand stuck in there?” His reply was “I’m trying to reach Florida” – TV Strikes Again….

My son was dying to be in the Christmas play at our church. He got the part of one of the Three Kings.

Apparently he did not understand that he had to stand on the stage in front of the whole church when he took the part, until the night they were getting ready to perform. He tried to beg out at the last minute, but his father insisted that he perform.

My son searched for the largest crown he could find. When he took the stage, he stood there with the crown down over his face to his neck, throughout the entire play.

Many thanks to all of my friends that contributed so many years ago.

Clarification, The Mighty and Airport Security

Posted by TakingItAStepAtATime

A little over a week ago as I was preparing for a trip to Paris and London, I wrote a post about the preparations and the issue we had with my son during a security check on one of our recent trips. The original post, “Off we go….. almost” can be read here.

At the same time, the Mighty was asking for travel, airline and airport stories. I submitted a portion of the story I had just written about DC and the TSA Agent at the Charlotte Airport back in October. I did not submit a photo because really, what kind of photo would I have to go with that story? The Mighty replied and said that the photo would not be a problem – they would just use clip art.

The Mighty article posted the following day, with the title My Son Did a Great Job at Airport Security. But This Guard Did Not. The clip art they used was one of a little boy holding his passport looking up at a TSA Agent. At the time I thought nothing of it. I know they use clip art. I assumed most people knew that the Mighty often uses clip art.

But then…… I started reading some of the comments! People were outraged that the TSA would send a child through the body scan. It was only then that I realized that the photo used was misleading people into thinking that a small child was forced to go through the body scan AND then grabbed and patted down.

This was partially my fault as well. I am used to writing for MY readers, all of whom know that DC is an adult. The stories I submit to the Mighty are usually excerpts or edited down versions of an original story I have already posted. It does not occur to me to add additional detail. (It will certainly occur to me going forward).

I did feel the need to reply to the comments that were there and explain that my son is an adult. The Mighty, in turn saw my comments and immediately updated the photo and wrote a clarification

“The Mighty Hi, Mighty community. We used a stock image for Vickie C.’s photo; her son is an adult with autism. We sincerely apologize for the confusion. As Vickie C. explained in her own comment, “They did not search a child or make a child go through the body scan. They also did not treat my adult son with respect.”

and an apology to me. I know this was not intentional on their part as I said earlier, I really didn’t think anything of it until I read the comments. The facebook post photo would not update but the clarification was there.

Having said all of that, even after the clarification, my point that my child (Adult son) was treated like a non-person seemed to be lost in the body scan outrage. My point: I first was confused by their treatment of him knowing he has Autism, actually confused by their treatment of him under any circumstances. After thinking about it and realizing that the fact that he has autism probably was the reason they did not even bother to speak to him or tell him what was going to happen is just plain wrong. This is a problem.

Since the article was posted I have received a few tips regarding airport security and accommodations. I will share them at the end of this post in the event they might come in handy to anyone that may be reading.

I don’t generally look for accommodations for DC. I do always want him to try before looking for an accommodation. If it is something that I know he cannot or will not be able to do, then yes, of course I will check out alternatives. If he is capable to doing it, I want him to do it. Accommodations are not available everywhere, they should be but they are not, so if he can, he will. The only accommodation he needed in this case was enough time for the process to be explained to him without getting too much direction from anyone other than myself – too much direction would only confuse the issue. We had that time, he did well, he listened and went through with no problem.

The treatment on the other side of the scan was totally uncalled for. Putting aside the wrongness of it for a moment, this kind of treatment can actually cause a problem where none would have existed. What if DC lashed out in fear? When he is confronted by a dog (he is afraid of dogs) his first instinct is to kick. What would have happened if, in fear he decided to kick or push or run? DC has never been violent, he has never hurt anyone but one does not know how he will react if frightened. He is a big strong boy. What would have happened then? I don’t want to think about it.

So I’d like to apologize for any miscommunication, but my point was not that DC had to go through the body scan at all. My point was that there was no reason for the treatment he received. The treatment he received could have escalated the situation into something far worse. NO ONE should be grabbed and patted down without a word or an explanation, no matter what age.

Below are some of the tips I received that you might find useful:

Check out The Arc of the US Wings for Autism program that gives families the opportunity to practice at the airport and trains TSA staff about people with disabilities. http://www.thearc.org/wingsforautism

The Arc | Wings for Autism

Is Wings for Autism coming to your city? Keep checking the schedule as more dates are announced…

thearc.org

and TSA Cares:

Vickie, just read this post and while we haven’t had this exact scenario, separation for us (during the checks) are traumatic. We have had great success using TSA Cares and making prearrangements. We are met by a supervisor, who has a description of our situation and needs / concerns ahead of time. The supervisor escorts us through and stays with us until released after check point. We’ve even had some take us to our gate and ask what else they can do. (Can you say personal escorts with clout.)

I’ve even had a friend use TSA Cares to have his special needs child travel by himself. That boy is not much different than my son and parents were able to go to the gate with this child, and the meeting parent at other end met him at the receiving gate. They were completely satisfied and happy as well and love TSA Cares. It may be a well kept secret but we’ll worth our efforts and money well spent by our government.
We use it every time we fly.

(Please excuse the more-than-average amount of typos – I wasn’t intending to write anything today and this was written very quickly while talking on the phone and looking at proofs – multi-taking is also not one of my strengths)

Blog Titles…. Don’t ya know that I love my music?

Posted by TakingItAStepAtATime

This is just going to be one of those posts that is fun for me and really not “autism-related”, except to say that much like DC, I always have music in my head – always. And also much like DC, I can pull out an obscure or very old song or just a line from a song and actually think people will recognize it.

You may (or may not) have noticed that I use quite a few song titles, lyrics or variations thereof as blog titles. I do this because music is always the first thing that pops into my head when giving a title to a blog. Once it is in my head, it’s there and even if the actual song has nothing to do with the post itself, I have to use it and I have to type it the way I am hearing it in my head – e.g. All the……small things.

Yes, I do understand that most or maybe all of you are not reading it the way I am hearing it, or you might just be to young to even recognize some of the song titles or lines. So now, as DC would say ” Sit back, relax and enjoy the music in Mom’s head”:

(The linked text above the videos are links to the actual blog posts)

“Ooh you’re a holiday… every day …such a holiday” – Happy Mother’s Day

Bicycle races are coming your way…. (How the times have changed)

All the…. small things

Gimme head with hair

Take the long way home……. #1000speak

You wear it well….

I can see clearly now….

“And those whose names were never called when choosing sides for basketball” #1000speak

I got the music in me….

The ice, the grass and other things…..

(The Rain, the Park and Other Things)

So there you have it…

I’ll save the rest for another time…

(This post and one or two others were pre-written and pre-scheduled before we left on our vacation – I am not sure at the time I am writing what kind, if any internet access I will have once there or just how costly it will be to use. So have a wonderful week to 10 days and we will “see” you when we get back)

Off we go….. (almost)

Posted by TakingItAStepAtATime

I just finished reading a post from Autism-Mom, PREPARATION AND PANIC about the preparations for their big trip coming up – or should I say the “mind-race while one is trying to sleep” -preparations she is making for her family trip.

I had to laugh out loud as I have been doing the same thing. Our trip is just a couple of days away and along with the “mind-race” and the anxiety about being the absolute worst packer in the world, there is work to contend with.

“We are leaving on Friday, so my last day in the office will be Thursday”

“So you need everything on Thursday?”

“Nooooooo, I need everything before Thursday so I have time to actually finish everything before I leave on Thursday”

We’ll see how that goes…..

We will be traveling to the same place as Autism-Mom and we did compare calendars to see if we could have coffee in London, we discovered we were close but no cigar – we would not be there at the same time.

Packing issues:

As many lists that I make and as many times as I go over everything in my mind, I always forget something. Once, being so proud of myself for not forgetting the one thing I was sure I’d forget, I discovered when we arrived that I did not pack a single shirt for DC – not one!

Then there is me:

I do not have many clothes that fit me because I have gained some weight – shhh. I will not go out and buy new clothes because that would be admitting defeat…. So I have to wait until the very last minute to pack all of my clothes because, you know, I have to wear some of them until we leave.

Flying:

The flight is also making me anxious. I am not one who can ever sleep on a plane, ever. I can’t sit still in those seats. DC, on the other hand is very good on airplanes – now, not so much when he was young – but he is really good now.

DC has flown quite a bit, but this will be his longest flight so far. Security is always a bit overwhelming for him, but he gets through it. As many times as he has flown before, he never had to go through the body scan until our trip in October to North Carolina’s Mountain of OZ.

There were a few times over the years when the security lines were not very busy and I wanted him to go through so I could explain it to him without holding up the line, but as soon as I mentioned “Autism”, they whisked him though the old walk-through before I had the chance to finish my sentence. That was fine, but I really wanted him to do it once in case there was ever a time that we weren’t given the choice. Of course I do explain it all to him while we’re in line and make him watch what everyone else is doing, just in case but as you know, no amount of explaining can take the place of doing.

Heading home from the Charlotte airport – it happened. He had to go through the body scan. As always I explained and showed him what he had to do while waiting in the line. Doug went through first as always and waited on the other side. I was behind DC. The security people saw us giving him instructions and the woman let me get up close so I can show him exactly what to do. He put his feet on the foot prints and raised his arms and waited for them to tell him he was finished. He did a great job.

He turned to walk out of the body scan when the guard on the other side near where Doug was waiting, grabbed DC with absolutely no notice and without saying a word and searched him! It happened too fast for either of us to react! DC was now screaming “Not all right! Not alright!” while I was trying to get through the scan to get to him. Both security guards saw us giving him directions. I told the woman he has Autism. I thought that they ‘got it’. There was no way they could not have seen that maybe they should approach with care or at least say something to him before he was grabbed and patted down.

I finally made it to the other side and DC was still yelling and really could not function – he couldn’t get his shoes and other items off of the conveyor belt – he just continued to yell, fists in the air “Not all right!”. Now all of the other security people in the area were watching as I tried to calm him down. I was praying that none of them would say anything or try to approach him and make matters worse. He was really causing a “disturbance” in the airport. This went on for a good long while. I had him sit down and tried to explain to him that he did everything correctly. The man should not have grabbed him without letting him know first. This was not his fault and he had every right to be upset. Eventually he did calm down and there were no aftershocks on the flight home.

People do at times overlook him completely and direct their questions to me instead of talking to him. I do always ask him the question myself and make sure he gives the person the answer himself. I mentioned earlier in the post that I thought that there was no way on earth that the security guards did not understand even before I explained that DC has Autism. Now as I think about it, I wonder if they actually did understand and decided that due to his Autism, they did not really need to talk to DC directly at all…… and THAT is a problem.

***

Versions of this post were also published:

On the Mighty: “My Son Did a Great Job at Airport Security. But This Guard Did Not.”

and at The Behavior Station

“Ooh, you’re a holiday… every day …such a holiday” – Happy Mother’s Day

Posted by TakingItAStepAtATime

“Now it’s my turn to say….. and I say you’re a holiday”

The day before Mother’s Day 2014, I wrote a post about my obsession with a Macaroni necklace. I thought that it would be my post for Mother’s Day, but on the following day on Mother’s Day I just HAD to write an update.

Since I am still in awe about the ‘updated part’ and the progress my boy has made – I am re-posting both of those posts together today. I am blessed with this wonderful child and he is absolutely a holiday to me, every day…

DC is spending tomorrow with his friend BB at the circus. BB’s Mom bought the tickets ahead of time not realizing it was Mother’s Day and I said that he could go ahead of time, also not realizing it was Mother’s Day.

-insert sad face-

So we will be going out for Mother’s Day breakfast and apparently there is at least a card involved. Never able to keep a secret, DC, when he walked in the house on Thursday night made it a point to announce, more than once that he left Mom’s Mother’s Day card in the car. After breakfast DC will have a good time at the circus with his friend. I’m sure we will get to spend some time together later in the evening.

Wishing you all a very relaxing and happy Mother’s Day!

Mother’s Day and The Macaroni Necklace

My only Mother’s Day gift wish when DC was little was a macaroni necklace. You know, the macaroni necklace that every child makes for their mother eventually, for some occasion or holiday or for no reason at all. I think I remember making a few of my own when I was a kid. I really wanted a macaroni necklace! Unfortunately, there was no one that was going to help him do this, with the exception of me, of course, but that would not be the same. In other families if there was not another parent or sibling to make the suggestion and help with the project, eventually the child got old enough to come up with the idea as we all did when we were young, on his own. I knew that this was also something that was not going to happen in the foreseeable future, at least.

I know it was an odd thing to be fixated on, with so many other things to worry about, but it really made me sad that my son was never going to make and present me with a macaroni necklace. I talked about it all of the time. Whenever my birthday or a holiday came around, my friends would have to listen to me whine about the fact that I would never have that cherished macaroni necklace. In my mind it was the “right of passage” of parenthood.

Now, yes of course I realize that this necklace that I wanted so badly was just a representation of the many ways our life was and would continue to be so very different from the way I had imagined when he was born.
I know that very few people end up with the life they imagine, but I knew ours would be very different.

DC was in school, but at this point in time, they really hadn’t done many of the “school gift” projects that most children come home with around the holidays ~ probably because the projects would not make it home in one piece ~ therefore my hopes for a macaroni necklace were dwindling.

One day, the Friday before Mother’s Day, when DC was 6 or 7, I opened his back pack and found a package labeled “Mom”. I called DC over and asked if this was for me. He signed “Yes”.

I opened it and there it was, a macaroni necklace! Made with HEART SHAPED macaroni, no less. Also included was a photo of DC and his aide stringing the pasta.

This was absolutely THE best Mother’s Day gift! Of course, he didn’t really understand that he had to give it to me, I had to find it in his back pack, and of course the writing wasn’t his, but there was photographic evidence that he had made it himself!

I wore it all day on Mother’s Day and to work on the Monday after Mother’s Day. He seemed to be very pleased that I was wearing it!

My office mates were happy too, believe me….. I specifically remember one saying “Thank God you finally got that macaroni necklace, I was about to make one myself!”

Now-a days DC is no longer oblivious to holidays. He knows when they are coming, he knows what they are about for the most part. His mind still doesn’t go to “Hey let’s make Mom a card or a gift for Mother’s Day”, but he now has some help for that. But he does remember to give them to me, usually early because he is too excited and can not wait. He does make the connection with the holiday and the gift and he is very, very proud of himself when he gives me a gift. Such a difference from the boy who didn’t know it was a holiday or to know that he should give me the gift he made at school sitting in his back-pack to the “man” who just can’t wait to make me happy with his gift!

There is nothing that makes me happier than seeing him proud of what he’s done and accomplished.

So, Happy Mother’s Day!

May your jewelry box runneth over with pasta and your day be filled with joy!

Mother’s Day update

I just had to write an update to my Mother’s Day Post from yesterday, “Mother’s Day and The Macaroni Necklace”.

DC loves to draw and he does draw quite a few pictures for me. His favorite subjects are flowers, cakes and once in a while, pizza. He draws pictures for me for no reason at times but usually his “Flowers for Mom” drawings are reserved for the times he thinks he is in trouble and the times he IS in trouble. When you see “Flowers for Mom” pictures laying about when you walk into my house, chances are DC is in trouble for something. He never draws for a holiday or birthday, unless it is suggested to him.

Less than 12 hours after I wrote..

“His mind still doesn’t go to “Hey let’s make Mom a card or a gift for Mother’s Day”, DC woke up and the very first thing out of his mouth was, “Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!”.

We went to the kitchen and I started making coffee, I turned around and there was DC at the table drawing.

He stopped when he saw me look at him as if I wasn’t supposed to see; “Sorry, Buddy, I won’t look”, and he continued on.

A few minutes later he presented me with this picture, with no prompting and no one to tell him it what a good idea it might be!

Less than 12 hours after I wrote…..

Such a difference from the boy who didn’t know it was a holiday or didn’t know that he should give me the gift that he made in school sitting in his back- pack to the “man” who just can’t wait to make me happy with his gift!”

there was more…………….

Happy Mother’s Day!

***********

Ooh you’re a holiday , every day , such a holiday……

Now it’s my turn to say , and I say you’re a holiday ~ Bee Gees

Perception, Hula Hoops and a little bit of Firefly….

Posted by TakingItAStepAtATime

Last week I was talking to my friend Geri at work and somehow we got on the subject of hula hoops. I proceeded to tell her that I was quite the expert hula hoop-er when I was a kid. I could hula hoop 4 at a time, I could do all of the tricks. I could start at my wrist and hula hoop to my neck, waist, hips to my knees and all the way back up again. I could walk down the street while hula hooping. I was pretty good, if I do say so myself.

Later, back at my desk, Al rang my extension to tell me that he had been in Target that past weekend and he noticed that they had a few Firefly characters on the shelf, “You know, that guy that you like with the Hawaiian shirt”.

“That would be Wash”

“Why is he holding a dinosaur?”

“[sigh….] ‘We will rule over all this land, and we will call it…This Land’ “ – He did not get it. I e-mailed him a clip, he would not watch it.

After only watching for 20 minutes a year ago (he insists it was more), Al has determined that he HATES Firefly. With every ridiculous reason he gives me, it becomes only another reason for me to make it my mission to get him to watch it.

I told him I had planned to stop at Target on my way home anyway so I would check it out.

I stopped at Target as planned and looked in the toy department for the Firefly figures. They were sold out. – What does this tell you, Al? I would not have stopped in the toy department if it were not for the figures but while there I happened to notice hula hoops. On a whim, I bought two, one for me and one for DC.

I brought them home and DC was not impressed at all. I tried mine out and much like anything that is different to him – as my first pair of glasses that he insisted that I “Take off glasses, NO!” or anytime I happen to put my hair up “Mom! Hair! No!” – he did not like it at all. He kept grabbing it to make me stop. I finally got him to stop grabbing it and hula hooped for about 15 minutes. It was exhausting, because, you now – I’m old, but it was also kind of fun. It was so exhausting that I wondered if this could actually be a workout – I googled it and yes, there are quite a few hula-hoop workout videos on you-tube. So I’ve found my new workout routine. We’ll see how long this lasts.

This story (I really am going somewhere with all of this) is really about DC’s perception of things, many things. The way he sees things and how difficult it is for him to process what he is seeing at times. I can never take for granted that what he sees and how he processes what he sees is same way I see it.

His elementary school O.T. pointed this out to me. For example, when DC saw and wrote the letter X, he did not see it as two diagonal lines intersecting

– he saw it and wrote it as two V’s (or arrows) connecting.

When he first started riding horses he had a very difficult time figuring out how to get on the horse. His inclination was to put the foot closest to the horse in the stirrup which just ended with his foot in the stirrup and the other leg dangling at his side. It took him a long time to understand that he had to put the opposite leg, the one farthest from the horse in the stirrup and swing his other leg over. He got it eventually, but it was not second nature to him, he had to learn it.

For years when he went swimming, he would walk around the pool stroking with his arms. He thought he was swimming because looking at it from outside or above the water, he thought that was exactly what everyone else was doing.

So after I completed my 15 minutes of continuous hula hooping the other day, DC decided to jump on the band wagon. He ran into the living room with his hula hoop and yelled “Hey watch this” and proceeded to spin the hoop. But instead of the hip action it takes to keep the hoop going, he spun himself around. Of course the hoop fell, but this did not stop him, he thinks he is doing it correctly.

“Hey, watch this” again and again.

We are working on this……..

*****
Just for fun……… EVERYBODY SING!

Everything is related – Willy Wonka

Posted by TakingItAStepAtATime

In a few weeks we will be leaving for our trip to London. One of the items on our agenda, other than Cardiff and the Dr. Who Experience……..

Let’s just pause for a moment……..

YEEE HAAA!

Okay, I’m back.

One of the items on our agenda is going to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – The Musical at the Theatre Royal Drury Lane. DC is so very excited. Willy Wonka has been a favorite of DC’s since I can remember.

Wonka through the years

In honor of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – The Musical – here is the third installment in the “Everything is Related Series” – you can find the first and second here and here.

Among the many other reasons:

– Everything being related, has helped him to move on to a more diverse realm of TV shows and movies (while still loving all of the originals he has loved since he was a baby). When attending an ARC movie activity or even just a movie night with friends, for instance, a Disney or animated movie may not be the choice of the others attending. Relating one movie or actor to another has helped him to be more open to watching something that may not be Disney-based.“

For the first time so far in this series, we do not begin with Disney. DC, for some reason decided that Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, even though not a Disney Movie was just fine with him. He has been watching it for years. I’m sure I had to bring it to his attention originally but this one he actually liked the first time around (this is not always the case – he hated Shrek – refused to watch it for the longest time. Now he is Shrek’s biggest fan).

Yes I do realize that Willy Wonka does not have much to do with London, but I am going with it anyway.

It is entirely possible that Jack Albertson had something to do with DC green-lighting Willy Wonka. Jack Albertson was “the voice of” Amos Slade in The Fox and The Hound…..

and there it is…..

the Disney connection.

DC knows “the voice of” just about any Disney character you can name. His love of the original Willy Wonka brought him to the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie and to Johnny ‘Deep” (DC-speak). For quite awhile after that version came out, I did hear quite often that it was “Not ‘Jen Wonder’ (Gene Wilder)”, but I think he just felt the need to tell me that. It did not deter him from watching. Johnny ‘Deep’ opened up a whole new world for him, some Disney based…

DC as the Mad Hatter

..and some not – but he was instrumental in getting him to watch other types of movies. As I said in the first post and above – it is important for him to be open to other movies when he is attending an activity or out with his friends.

When DC was younger he did seem to like the Harry Potter movies. The books were just too much for him at the time. I was always on a hunt for Harry Potter type books that were a little less intimidating for him. I was really never successful, but I did come across the Spiderwick Chronicles Series. I bought him all of the books that were available at the time and I discovered that there was even a movie out on DVD. I tried desperately to read these books with him every night and I tried and tried to get him to watch the movie. He was not having any of it. So, after years of them sitting on the shelf collecting dust, I finally gave up and got rid of them.

It was only a year or two ago that I was flipping channels in the living room, not really paying attention when DC ran in screaming “Freddie Highmore, Freddie Highmore!!!” – I had no idea who that was or why he was screaming.

“Charlie Bucket! Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!!!”

The Spiderwick Chronicles was on TV and he was so excited. He watched the entire thing – which is a big deal since it was a weekend and he was giving up some computer time to watch – and yes, we did have to go out and buy the DVD and the books all over again. This movie that I tried so hard to get him to watch when he was younger is now among his favorites.

The original Willy Wonka is by far his favorite version. Meeting the real Mike-TeeVee saved him from an anxiety attack at NY ComicCon a few years ago.

But , Johnny ‘Deep” has broadened his horizons.

DC’s latest obsession is the latest version of “Into the Woods” with Johnny ‘Deep’. He does have the original version from the 80’s or 90’s but this new version is without a doubt his new favorite movie.

He randomly will announce to me that ‘Merue Strip’ plays the wicked witch, just in case I have forgotten……

Meryl Streep………yes! I can work with that!

All the…. small things

Posted by TakingItAStepAtATime

I was talking to a friend of mine the other night at a Winter Guard Event. She was relating a story about how she had written a note to her daughter’s staff listing the items – the only items, her daughter was allowed to purchase that day. Her daughter added an item to that note and handed it in hoping no one would notice the addition.

Of course she was caught because the handwriting did not match, but my first reaction to the story was “That is SO Cool!”. Another friend agreed that it was fantastic. My friend laughed and of course knew that it was really an accomplishment, but you know…..she had to be the mother. She had to at least pretend to be mortified.

Much like when DC stacks 3 slices of pizza on top of each other thinking I will actually believe that he has only one piece -I have to be impressed. He thought it out and came up with that scam by himself – but on the other hand, I have to be the mother and tell him that it is wrong to be so sneaky and to lie.

I told her that if DC tried something like that, it would definitely be a blog post and even though it was not DC this time, a post it is.

This conversation reminded me of an old web-site my friends and I used to run, many years ago – probably 15 years ago when our children were young. One section of the site was titled:

The milestones WE Celebrate –

Some might find our celebrations odd, but they are ours. We celebrate every advancement and every achievement, even if the achievement is something that most parents would frown upon – we do not. To us – it is progress.

Some of the following blurbs are mine (DC was very young at the time) and some are from friends of mine, but they were all very important achievements for us at the time.

So…. here are some of The Milestones WE Celebrated many years ago:

Your son whacks his Little League Coach in the head with a bat. Both you and the Coach are thrilled because this was the first time he attempted to swing at ANYTHING!

You attend your Parent/Teacher conference: Your son’s teacher jubilantly announces that your son and his friend were cheating from each other’s papers. You are as thrilled as she is, because this means he finally realized (on his own) he was supposed to be doing something other than just sitting there – and also figured out, ON HIS OWN, how and where to find out just what it is he was supposed to be doing.

It was a “bittersweet” morning when I discovered that almost all my “sled” ornaments from the Christmas tree had been crushed on the floor. We were surprised to discover that my son was the culprit. While we watched, he carefully removed a sled, (which are many),..gingerly placed it on the floor and then ever so slowly sat on it! I was dismayed that our collection was reduced to only the few left “on higher ground” but thrilled he finally realized what a sled is for!!

My son began saying “shut up” all of a sudden and quite often. I realized that he picked it up from Princess Diaries. I knew he had no idea what it really meant, but still, he continued to say it.
Last night he was in the car with one of his friends. His friend generally starts talking as soon as he gets in the car and the blue streak continues during the entire ride. On this particular ride my son turned to him and said “Shut Up”.
His friend’s mother called me on the phone immediately, very excited because she knew that it meant my son actually figured out what the word meant.

My son loves bread, more than just about any food. A few days ago, a friend of mine baked bread for Christmas gifts. She delivered two loaves to our house, one Cinnamon and the other was a small ‘personal size’ loaf of plain bread. We immediately had to make toast when he saw the Cinnamon bread. Later, when he was giving me his breakfast order (which he does every night before bed), he requested the “Elf Bread”. Not really understanding what he meant, he went to the counter to show me the little ‘personal size’ loaf of bread – “Elf Bread!”