Month: January 2020

“WE HAVE TO GO TO THE MONEY MACHINE!”

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DC called me from his van to tell me he is “Going Home Noooowwwww” as he does each day. The conversation is always the same (and I know you have read this before as he rarely goes “off script”)

DC: Hi Mom

ME: What are you doing?

DC: Going Home Noooooowwwww

ME: Did you have a good day?

DC: Great

ME: What did you do today?

DC: Dog Bones Room

ME: What did you do?

DC: Rolling the dough.

ME: Anything else?

(Usually the answer is “no”)

DC: Tied the bows

(I imagine this means he packaged the dog biscuits)

ME: Oh, that’s cool. Okay call me when you get home.

DC: (loudly) WE FORGOT THE MONEY!

ME: What money?

DC: We forgot the money for lunch.

ME: (knowing that he had enough money for lunch) What do you mean? Did you pay for your lunch?

DC: Yes.

ME: Are you sure?

DC: No.

ME: Did you have money for lunch?

DC: WE HAVE TO GO TO THE MONEY MACHINE!

ME: DC, what happened to the money you had?

DC:

ME: Did you pay for your lunch?

DC: Yes! HAVE TO GO TO THE MONEY MACHINE!

ME: Are you telling me that you need more money for next week?

DC: Yes!

ME: Don’t worry, I will give you more money for lunch next week, like always.

DC: Next week.

ME: Are you sure you paid for your lunch today?

DC: Yes! Have to go to the money machine.

I still have not determined whether he paid for his lunch or not but his wallet was empty and there was no note from the staff.

As you already know, communication is always difficult for DC. This is the way he communicates and I usually have to figure out what he really means.

We’ll start with notes from the staff:

When DC began attending this program, he did not receive a receipt for the lunch he purchased every day. Apparently they did not give receipts (it is a restaurant open to the public so I don’t know why that was the policy).

One day, probably a year in,  he came home with a photo copy of a guest check in his talk-book.

Nothing else.

No note.

Just a copy of a guest check.

Great, I thought. They started giving receipts.

The next day he came home with a copy of a guest check and an envelope that had “DC’s change from lunch today” in his talk book.

Nothing else.

No note.

Just the guest check and the envelope.

I didn’t know why they were sending his change home in an envelope instead of putting it in his wallet (I still don’t) but assumed that he had forgotten to take it at lunch time and they put it in an envelope to make sure he got it later.

The following day I received a rather nasty note informing me that DC did not pay for his lunch two days before. I asked them just how a person was supposed to know that? (DC was not as conscientious about his lunch money back then). They sent a guest check home WITH an envelope of change, who would come to the conclusion that he did not pay for his lunch. Apparently after attending this program for over a year, they hadn’t figured out that DC does not tell me anything. They Have to tell me.

Moving on to the money: Back then he was new at carrying money, so I only gave him enough for lunch that day. Sure, there were a few times when I forgot. Now that I know he won’t lose it, I give him 20.00 for the week. His lunch is 3.73 per day so I knew he had enough. Not to mention that over the last few years he counts it every night and says “Yay! I have _____ dollars left” so I can I tell him that it is enough for the rest of the week. (We will talk about his money counting skills at another time)

“I forgot” or “We forgot”: This does not necessarily mean that we forgot something (but sometimes it does). Some of the time when he says “I forgot” or “We forgot”, it means that he wants to do whatever he is saying we forgot.

“I forgot to buy band-aids” usually means that he wants to buy band-aids.

Just as “I can’t find ______, anywhere” usually means that he is going to get whatever he says he can’t find.

“I can’t find my CD anywhere” means he is going to get a CD for the car.

But, there are times when he really can’t find something.

It’s hard to know which is which.

(He can communicate what he wants most of the time, but it is difficult for him to tell me about something that has happened or something that is bothering him or anything other than his wants.)

I can only assume that he was worried about having zero bills in his wallet. Normally they use the bills and the change to pay for his lunch so at the end of the week, he comes home with a dollar bill or two in his wallet. This week they must not have bothered with the change and just used the bills every day. There were no bills left and he was nervous about that.

I suppose I will find out next week if for some reason he did not pay for his lunch, but in the meantime we will be heading for “The Money Machine” so he is all set for next week.

 

*****

For anyone that might be new here: “I tell stories, most of the time; single individual stories about this or that. Some may be written with humor and some may come across as “Oh, look at the cute thing DC did or said” (he does crack me up at times) but my object is always to make people understand how his mind works, never to “make fun of him”

It is difficult to explain “his” autism to anyone without resorting to 1000 examples and 1000 stories. So I tell 1000 stories to make clear that there are other sides to autism than the characters seen in TV or movies.”

He came up with a plan and carried it out.

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Tonight DC put away his computer and began his bedtime rituals…

  • Moving his pile of 3 books  from “their spot” at “his spot” at the kitchen table, to their “bedtime spot”.
  • Moving his stack of papers from his kitchen chair “spot” to their “bedtime spot”.
  • Putting his DVDs away.
  • Taking off his “If I Need Help” dog tags and his medical alert bracelet.
  • Turning off the lights in the kitchen.

I asked him what he was doing as it was only 6:00 PM.

No reply; he just continued on with his night-time rituals.

I told him again that it was only 6 o’clock.

He was in no way tired or sick. He had just been “ice skating” and dancing around the kitchen and living room.

  • He went upstairs to brush his teeth
  • He came over to me and pulled down his bottom lip so I could see his brushed teeth.
  • He went to his room and got his pillows.
  • He went to my room and got mine and brought them downstairs.
  • He got out his blankets and his iPad and got into his “spot” on the couch and was ready for bed.

I was confused by all of this. Not to say that all of this isn’t the norm every night, but not at 6 o’clock unless there is a storm.

And then it hit me….

The last time DC slept in his room and not on the couch was Christmas Eve (because… Santa). The last time before that was Christmas Eve 2018. Earlier in the day we made a deal – or so I thought. He agreed to sleep in his room tonight. We talked about it for a good long time and this time I thought I made it easier for him to accept by compromising and telling him that for now, I will only ask that he sleep in his bed tonight. He could sleep on the couch the following night, an so on. We would take it one day at a time. (My back was/is screaming for mercy, but we’ll take it slow anyway).

He agreed.

Some backstory from 2018 – The Couch; Another Round:

When DC was young, he would come into my room when there was a storm and he was afraid. This did not mean he would calm down but once he tired of repeating the same few phrases over and over again, he would finally fall asleep.

He is  27  now (chronologically) and it is no longer appropriate for him to come and sleep in my room. He does not understand this because in his mind, the storms are just as scary as they were when he was young and quite honestly, developmentally, he is just as young as he was then. There is no good way to explain this to him.

So……  now during storms or when he hears a loud noise that might be a storm or fireworks or a truck driving by or a plane flying over head…… we sleep on the couch.

I have a sectional.

He sleeps on the chaise lounge (the bottom of the L)  and I sleep on the straight part.

He was trying to get out of the agreement he made to sleep in his room.

He assumed that if he just got everything together right after dinner, ignoring my “What are you doing”s, and just got himself set up and on the couch,  I would forget about our conversation and our agreement.

You know what? It worked.

If it had been his regular time to go to sleep I would have reminded him that he agreed to sleep in his bed. Although my aching back should have reminded me; the fact that all of this was going on so early and he seemed to be on such a mission to get all of his rituals done quickly, I was too busy being confused to remember our conversation earlier in the day.

Apparently DC had not forgotten.

Well played, DC. Well played.

Tomorrow, I will be ready.

(I do have to admit that I AM a bit impressed by his well thought out plan)

 

*****

For anyone that might be new here: “I tell stories, most of the time; single individual stories about this or that. Some may be written with humor and some may come across as “Oh, look at the cute thing DC did or said” (he does crack me up at times) but my object is always to make people understand how his mind works, never to “make fun of him”

It is difficult to explain “his” autism to anyone without resorting to 1000 examples and 1000 stories. So I tell 1000 stories to make clear that there are other sides to autism than the characters seen in TV or movies.”