Christmas List Negotiations

DC has his list for Santa posted on the refrigerator:

Bandaids
18 Markers
White Paper
A Christmas Story Live DVD
Dolls

We are away for the Thanksgiving weekend. As always, on the day after Thanksgiving, we visit his favorite shops in the area.

In one shop, DC asked to buy markers. We have been trying to limit his sharpie shopping to the dollar store since he would and could buy 18 markers every week and that, along with his bandaid obsession gets expensive.
Since he was not having much luck finding a certain nutcracker book that he wanted, I told him that he could buy the markers. They were not your average sharpie, so they were a little pricey.

On the way to the register DC mentioned “Santa List”.
I was looking around wondering where he was seeing a Santa List.

Me: Where’s the Santa List?

DC: On the Re-fridge-a-later’

Me: Oh! The List at home?

DC: Yes, 18 markers.

So really, right here, I was not being sarcastic or kidding with him; I really thought he was telling me that we could take the 18 markers off of his list at home since he was buying them then. Which, I admit was not something I expected DC to say.

Me: Oh, so we can take the markers off of your Santa List at home?

DC: No! Buy markers and keep 18 markers from Santa on ‘re-fridge-a-later’ at home.

He was bargaining to get these new markers and keep the 18 markers on his list at home.

First it never occurred to me that he would even think that this one purchase would cancel out his Christmas list entry. I mean, he gets markers and some of the other items in his list on a regular basis throughout the year.

It was also different that he thought about MAKING SURE he would still receive the “list markers” if he bought the markers he had in his hand.

I laughed and told him it was fine. The lady at the counter laughed too.

Bargaining over – he bought his markers.

Later that day, we stopped quickly at a Dollar store.
Every trip to the Dollar store in DC’s mind, means markers and bandaids.
He bought one red sharpie and two boxes of bandaids. There was no questioning his list and he was not worried about bandaids being removed from said list.

Jokingly due to the marker negotiations earlier I asked:

“Does this mean we will change the markers on your list from 18 to 17?”

DC: Yes!

????

I told him I was just joking but he stuck to his deal.

Since buying the one red sharpie, whenever he mentions his Christmas list and the items on that list (which is often), he lists 17 markers instead of 18.

Was the negotiation all about the fact that the package of markers he wanted were not actual “sharpies” and he wanted to be sure that he would still receive 18 sharpies?

I don’t know.

But it IS new that he understood a negotiation.

There are time when I do negotiate with him or try to have him make a choice:

“You can order dessert but you can’t have a snack on top of that when you get home”

He says okay and then seems shocked when I say “no” to a snack when he asks for one later.

Maybe this means he is beginning to “get” making choices other than what color shirt he wants to wear or something like that?

We’ll see if this is the case the next time he has to choose between dessert and a snack.

Just for the record… I am sure that the sharpies he wants come in a package of 18.

Just like when he begs to get “just one” sharpie in the grocery store when he knows that the particular store we shop in does not carry single sharpies. He knows he will end up with at least a three-pack.

He knows what he’s doing…

***

Edited to add: After writing this post (on my phone, so pardon the typos), we went to ride the Santa Train, where DC writes (another version) and mails his list to Santa.

He wrote 17 markers.

The very first thing he did when we arrived home from our weekend away was to edit his “refrigerator list from 18 to 17 markers.

The Many Meanings of “Sorry”

Posted by TakingItAStepAtATime

I wrote the post below six years ago. If I were keeping track, I would have to imagine that “Sorry” would most certainly show up in the top 5 on the list of DC’s most used words.

Some of the time, he IS sorry for something or another, but as I have said and written many time before, he really does not understand what “sorry” means. For him it is just something to say when he thinks he’s done something wrong, when he going to do something he shouldn’t and for many reasons that really don’t have anything to do with being sorry.

This morning, I, (“grace”) tripped over the coffee table, broke a coffee cup – spilling the contents on the way down and smacked my arm on said table hard enough so it was bleeding. DC told me he was sorry. In cases like this, I am never really sure if he thinks he has done something or is he reversing things and really thinks that I should say that I am sorry for falling over the table. Or… as a speech therapist once told me, is it his go-to word that he uses when he does not know what else to say?

I explained as I do every time he says he is sorry for no reason, that he did not do anything and there was nothing for him to be sorry about.

I have come to realize over the years that “I’m sorry” is not only used for the reasons above and in the post below. Sometimes he uses it as his way of telling me that something is bothering him….

The other morning his iPad broke, right before he was ready to leave for work.

I know you all just stopped breathing (as did I) in anticipation of the fallout.

Surprisingly, the fallout was minimal. He was upset but calm. For once, he did not apologize for something that was not his fault. He listened to me as I told him I would have to buy him a new one but he could use his phone or my “tablet” in the meantime.

He repeated all of that back to me a few (or more) times before he left. I, in turn had to verify all of what he was repeating and repeat it all again to him.

His transport arrived and he left.

Just like that.

My phone rang on my way to work. It was DC (Spontaneous phone use… Yay!).

I said “Hello” and the first thing he said was:

“I’m sorry”

I did not know what he was sorry for now. I thought that maybe he did something at work and he was now telling on himself – something he does often.

But, no. When I asked him what he was sorry about he said:

“No sorrys. Mom will buy new iPad.”

He was worried about the new iPad more than he let on before he left. It was bothering him. He wanted to talk about it again.

Saying “I’m sorry” is his way in to a conversation about something that is bothering him.

The iPad was bothering him,

He wanted to talk about it.

He called me (again, spontaneous phone use – I will take it)

“I’m sorry” helped him to start the conversation.

“Happy?” – “Sorry” – What’s next?

Yes, John Lithgow is “Happy”

Years ago, DC and I were out doing errands. We had to have stopped at 3 or 4 different stores, which at the time was very difficult for him. By the time we got to the Health Food store, he was so out of control that the cashier saw fit to stop the line to try to educate me about just what vitamins, etc. I should be giving him to combat his ADD – (Holding up a line of customers to give me advice in front of all those customers, was just what I needed). I informed him that my son had autism, not ADD, but thank you very much!

On the way out, I said “I am not very happy today”. That one single comment led to years of DC asking everyone if they were happy. He did not have many “words” under his belt at the time, but he did manage to ask everyone he met if they were “Happy?” (Can you say “guilt”?)

* We have an autograph on a golf card from John Lithgow making it clear to DC, that yes, he is “happy” (see photo).

Eventually he stopped asking people if they were happy and the “Happy” question was replaced with “sorry”. I am sure this is my fault as well. Somewhere along the line I must have told him to say he was sorry for something and there it began.

He is sorry for absolutely everything! Partially because he believes an “I’m sorry” will get him out of anything. He thinks that saying “I’m sorry” even when he doesn’t know what he is sorry about will get him out of anything or at least get me to stop talking. When he really wants to bring it home he will move on to: “I’m ‘ter-bly’ sorry” or “I am soooooo sorry”. He will even throw in a “Can you ever forgive me?” (movie line) when he really thinks it is necessary.

He says he is sorry, WHILE he’s doing something he shouldn’t, and will continue right on doing whatever it is because he is covered, he already said he was sorry. Or he will say he is sorry when he is about to do something he knows he shouldn’t. He is covered- he already said he was sorry!

He says he is sorry when he asks a question and the answer happens to be “no”. In his mind, “no” is a negative even when it is just an answer to a question. I have tried to explain all of this to him but as much as I try to simplify there are just some things he will never understand.

Don’t get the wrong impression; he is not upset or anxious when he says he is sorry. It is just a word to him. He does not constantly think he’s in trouble. It is just something for him to say….. over and over again.

A few days ago he somehow figured out from one of his books that the word “Sympathy” in a way means “sorry”. So on that day, DC was “in sympathy” for sneaking chips.

I think I might like that better.

Belts…. They Worked Until They Didn’t

Posted by TakingItAStepAtATime

I saw a post a while back from my friend over at Our Adventures with Riley (the actual post can be found below) and thought what a great idea this would have been back when DC had such huge issues with wearing a belt. Not only did he just not like wearing them but he had a hard time buckling and unbuckling them.

Then there was the placement of the holes. They were never quite right, so years ago we moved on to cloth/canvas belts. Those seemed to work a bit better. No pesky holes to deal with.

He went a good long time using the cloth belts with no issues.

Then one day, he could not figure out how to put one on. He was trying to start from the side pants loop which meant when he was finished the buckle would be on his side instead of in front.

I don’t know what caused this confusion, but it continued. Every day he came and stood in front of me so I could see if he was starting his belt correctly. Sometimes he did and other times, not.

Along with the new processing issue of putting on the belt, he seemed overly obsessed with the belt being as tight as possible, which again was never an issue.

(He had lost some weight so I believe that all of this is related to the weight loss and his belts feeling different on him)

Because there were no holes and a D-ring instead of a buckle, they were loosening up after a few minutes and we now had the constant, all day adjustment of his belt – over and over again.

Soooo, we went back to the buckle belts. I found a few that had holes everywhere so it didn’t matter which hole he used. He could wear it as tight or as loose as he wanted. He wasn’t limited by the placement of the holes.

Now that we had all of that squared away, he seemed fine and no longer had any issues with his belts. He was happy with his belts for so long of a while that when I saw the belt post from Riley’s page I did not think anything of it, other than it would have come in handy way back when we were having belt issues.

Speak too soon, much?

Recently he developed another issue.

The overlap.

The excess after his belt was buckled, HAD to either go only as far as the next belt loop or it had to reach the second belt loop. There was no in between. If it went out past the first loop he would pull his belt tighter and tighter until it reached the next loop.

And again, there was the constant, all day long adjustment of the belt. It got to the point that the adjustment of his belt was holding him up during every portion of his day.

I tried cutting a few so the excess was just long enough to reach the first belt loop, but I had to be precise in my measurements and some belts just can’t be cut.

I remembered and I went back and searched for Riley’s belt post and ordered a few.

It took a while to get the belt on him and it will take a while for him to be able to put them on himself because they are different. But I was more worried about the reaction of WEARING something different than I was in him learning to put it on.

When I got the belt adjusted and on, DC’s first word was “Amazing!”

That was a good sign.

He didn’t take it off and wore it the rest of the day.

Another good sign.

We are still working on him learning to put it on himself so at this moment in time, he alternates between the new “Buckle-less Belt” and the one that I was able to cut exactly to reach the first belt loop.

Progress.

Happy Halloween – Sing it with me… “It’s Raining Again”

Posted by TakingItAStepAtATime

DC does not like the rain.

He just does not.

When he was younger, it was just the rain he did not like but now, in his mind – rain leads to storms so there is no tolerating the rain at all any more.

I remember taking him to a birthday party when he was younger. One of the activities planned was a water balloon fight. Getting wet without a bathing suit on was always an issue, but we were instructed to wear bathing suits. After a lot of explanation, I thought he’d be okay with it.

Unfortunately it was raining when we arrived.

It was summer. They were already in bathing suits.

So why not have the water balloon fight?

Why not, you ask?

You have to understand that to DC, rain means hurry to the car, or out of the car and into the house so you don’t get wet. Or hurry anywhere you are headed to or from so you don’t get wet. Run into the store, so you don’t get wet. Baseball is cancelled because it is raining. Cross country is cancelled because it’s raining. Outdoor activities are cancelled because it is raining.

So you don’t get wet…

Because it’s raining…

We don’t walk around in it and we certainly don’t go outside to play in it! There are no gray areas.

In case you were wondering….

It didn’t go over well.

This year we were expecting high winds and rain for Halloween (and we got both).

Now, I am not one of those people who think that Halloween should be cancelled and rescheduled when bad weather is predicted. This is strictly a “DC” issue and I was a little bit concerned.

I talked about it all week.

He looked nervous each time we discussed it but he still wanted to go Trick-Or-Treating. I told him not to worry, we will use umbrellas.

During the monsoon part of the afternoon on Halloween Day, I ran around town trying to find some of those clear plastic rain ponchos for him and his friends. (You NEVER wear coats or jackets over a costume! It’s a rule. Look it up.) But because I did not think ahead, there were none to be found any where.

Fortunately the rain calmed down and stopped for a little while when we were ready to go to *Candy’s house for dinner with her and *Sally before we all went out Trick-Or-Treating together.

They had their dinner and a few treats and off we went.

I had been poured on many times already that day when I was out looking for ponchos and earlier when I went out to look for an umbrella to match his costume (yes, I did) so I was over trying to stay dry at this point.

We were pretty lucky for the most part.

We had some rain.

We had some wind.

But fortunately not all at the same time.

DC went from “I’m getting very nervous about this” to (insert excited voice) “Happy Halloween! Thank you” and back many times over.

We did not visit as many houses as we usually do but they all came back with a good amount of candy, mostly from people trying to get rid of their overstock due to the smaller than usual weather-related turn out.

I would have been surprised if DC had opted to skip Halloween due to the weather, but one never knows when rain is involved.

It all worked out and the 3 of them had a great night.

(I think the 3 Mom’s had fun too)

In true DC fashion; when it’s over, it’s over.

In the car on the way home, he obsessed about changing the calendar to November and when he did:

“Mom, I’m so excited about Thanksgiving”

over and over.

Hope you all had a Happy Halloween!

***

Our 2019 Costume “Parade/Wrap Up” can be found here.