He was right next to me

It happened a few weeks ago…..

DC wanted to make pizza. “Making” pizza means opening a ready-made crust, adding sauce, ‘sparkling’ cheese (Veggie grated cheese), garlic powder (because he is obsessed with garlic) and pepperoni.

We do this often and DC helps with quite a lot of it.

I had opened the crust and the sauce. DC spread the sauce around the top of the crust and sprinkled his garlic and cheese all over it. I got the pepperoni out of the refrigerator. It was already opened from the last time we made pizza. I buy the pepperoni already sliced in a bag, because I buy turkey pepperoni and I really haven’t seen it in any other form, and it is just easier.

We have about 4 feet of counter space to work on with almost 2 feet taken up by the microwave, so when I say that “I was right next to him”, I mean right next to him. Our arms were probably touching.

He was putting his pepperoni on his pizza and I was putting something in the microwave. I looked over and saw him with the scissors holding one of those anti-moisture packs (silica gel) over his pizza, ready to cut it open and sprinkle it over his pizza. It must have been in the pepperoni pack.

You know, those packs that say “Do Not Eat” and “Throw Away”? Yes, those.

I have read up on them more since this incident and have found out that they are not poisonous and probably will not hurt you unless eaten in large quantities, but the fact remains that the “Do Not Eat” and “This is not food – Throw Away”, would lead one to believe that they are poisonous and harmful. I have always believed that to be the case, so much so that I have talked to DC about them before. They are always in his juice mix. I usually get to them before he finds them but I have talked to him about them many times. Finding one in his pepperoni did make a connection in his mind to the discussions about the packs in his juice mix. It is two different things. We talked about juice, not pepperoni. **

That day (still believing that they were dangerous) I was beside myself. I went over it and over it with him. He laughed at first but when I burst into tears I think he understood that this was serious (but not understanding why) and am pretty confident that he will not touch one of those again.

It haunted me for weeks… finding out that they were not dangerous as I had always believed did not make me feel any better. He was ready to eat some strange thing. He did not know what it was but he was ready to eat it anyway (How does that even happen when there is such a limited number of foods that he WILL eat?).

DC does not just “pick up” on information (see: A Chair is Still a Chair) he has to be taught – he has to be shown. After the teaching and the showing; if he still does not understand, I have to resort to making a rule.

I resort to “rules” when I know something is beyond his grasp.  (Oh! The rules I have had to make!). Please don’t tell me that I am not giving him enough credit. I try and try to explain in many, many different ways and I do not give up even after the rule is made, but his safety has to come first.

He knows what rules are.

He follows rules.

He does not have to understand the rule – it’s a rule so he follows it.

Many times, rules are the only way I can keep him safe.

He follows rules; that is a good thing.

The downside of this is that – he follows….

If someone with not the best intentions were to tell him to do something – he would. He is following directions and aren’t we supposed to follow directions? Isn’t that what he was taught to do? If someone tells you to do something, you do it – right?

There are no gray areas.

I remember being at a relative’s house when DC was little. He was sitting on the floor and had gotten hold of a plastic bag. When I took the bag away from him a family member said “He’s not going to put it on his head and suffocate right in front of us, you know.” Yes, I did know that but if he was going to learn not to play with plastic bags then I couldn’t let him play with plastic bags. Period. There is not a “sometimes you can” category  It is either you can or you can’t, with DC and the rule was “he couldn’t”.

I cannot teach him to follow my rules but not to follow other’s rules.

I cannot give him a list of whose rules he should follow – teachers, his boss, his staff, police, etc. because there will always be something that comes up that strays from that list.

DC knew I was very upset about the pizza incident but again… he did not understand why.  Very often, he does not understand things unless they happen. When I told him that he could have gotten very sick, it did not mean a lot to him. Sick means a cold, sick means the flu, sick means a ‘heady-ache’ and nothing more serious than that.

He looks both ways when crossing the street but I do not always believe he is really LOOKING at anything. Most times he is just going through the motions, which is why he never crosses the street alone. He does not understand what can really happen if he were to be hit by a car or if he was involved in any other sort of accident. He does not understand unless it happens and as I do not want any of these things to happen, I have to just keep finding different ways to explain safety to him and making rules.

There was this one time that DC (before he had his own laptop) was eating in the kitchen watching something on my computer, which was on the other side of the table. I was 10 feet away in the living room. I heard him get up quickly and I knew something was wrong. He was choking. But he did not jump out of his chair to come to get me. He jumped out of his chair to run to the other side of the kitchen to pause the movie BEFORE he came to get me! (I came running when I heard him jump up, but the fact of the matter was that he was more concerned about his movie than choking. He knew something was wrong and he was panicked but his movie came first.). If he hadn’t been able to get whatever was lodged in his throat up by himself, would he not let me help until his movie was paused? I honestly do not know.

He just cannot understand the “why” of things.

Why should he get help before pausing his movie?

Why can’t he walk into the road?

Why can’t he eat the moisture pack?

Why can’t he talk to strangers? And what IS a stranger?

Someone he doesn’t know?

——-Why can he say hello to all of the people he doesn’t know when we walk on the trail? Aren’t they strangers?

Why can’t he stick the knife or a fork in the toaster?

Why can’t he put his hand on the stove when it’s on?

Why can’t he run with scissors, play with knives, stick things into electrical outlets?

Why?

But there is no way on earth that I can come up with every single thing that might happen or could be dangerous. If he understood the “why” of things it might be easier for him to see the danger in some things without having to have everything explained to him.

So I have to keep him close to me and hope that when he is out of my eye shot, the people who are charged with keeping him safe will keep him just as close.

But then again, in this case…. he was right next to me….

****

 

 

 

**Please do not take this post as a be all end all about moisture packs being safe. I looked into it and that is what I found, BUT I am sure there are exceptions. Always call poison control or seek medical advice if they happen to be ingested.**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Envelopes, Bags, Shredding and Communication

 

Last weekend was one of those weekends where DC was just all over me, all of the time. I could not make a move without hearing “Mom! Come here please.” or “Vickie, where are you going?”.

Every step I took, he was calling me, most of the time for no reason at all.

I was upstairs plunging the bathroom sink. I really do not know what the deal is with that sink, but I seem to spend a lot of time plunging it. DC had already checked in to see what I was doing more than once and had gone back to his computer. I had already been up and down the stairs a good 6 times because he always waits until I get to where I am going before he asks me to “Come here, please” so I decided that I would call him for a change.

We had just been grocery shopping and I left the bag that held the drain-o on the kitchen table.

For someone who was so concerned about where I was all day long, it took me six (very loud) tries to get him to answer me.

“DC, please bring me the white bag that’s on the kitchen table.”

He came to the bottom of the stairs with a shipping envelope.

I would understand the confusion if I had asked him for an envelope from the table. The table holds, I can’t even tell you how many envelopes and other papers that I think maybe I need to keep, or that I have to find a spot for, or mail that I don’t really have to keep but has to be shredded or junk mail that has to be shredded before throwing away (Chase, Capital One and AARP – I’m talking to you!). Getting rid of all of it would mean that I would have to empty the shredder – so there it all sits.

(You will be happy to know that I did get rid of about 50% of the envelopes and paper this week while watching an episode of Star Trek Discovery on the computer in the kitchen. All of the shred-able items went into the sink to be mashed up into clumps and thrown away while the shredder sits there, still full… Oh, the lengths I will go not to have to empty the shredder.)

He knows what a bag is, but for some reason the request threw him off. I asked again for the white bag that was on the table. After the second request he brought me the bag, but now I had to worry about what he did with the shipping envelope because it contained part of his Halloween costume.

When I got back downstairs I asked him where he put the envelope. He pointed upstairs – which is where he brought the bag when I asked for it. I tried to explain:

“DC, before you brought me the bag, you had an envelope in your hand. Where did you put it when you came back to get the bag?”

He just began pointing to random places. Places in the living room, in the kitchen, outside, and upstairs.

I even tried to re-enact the whole thing by getting an envelope, bringing it to the bottom of the stairs and saying “No DC, I need the bag on the table” going back to the kitchen and asking “Where did you put the envelope that you had?”

He just could not understand what I wanted.

I did not want to give up because at this point I wanted him to understand the question.

As we were going through the reenactment, I noticed that the envelope was in a box, which was probably right where he found it originally, but I did not let on that I saw it. So I went through the whole thing again, this time pointing to the table where it clearly wasn’t, asking “Did you put the envelope here?”

DC: “No”

Pointing to the empty chair – “Did you put it here?”

DC: “No”

Pointing to the box, where I had spotted it – “Did you put it here?”

DC: “Yes”

“There it is! Thank you for telling me where you put it.”

He was glad that we found it and was no longer anxious about what I was asking for and I hoped that after all of the looking, reenacting, and explaining he finally understood what I had been asking him.

But this, right here is my point. This is why I write these stories. Some may be written with humor and some may come across as “Oh, look at the cute thing DC did or said” (he does crack me up at times) but my object is always to make people understand how his mind works.

He has speech – yes. He can communicate – yes. But communication is difficult, he cannot always tell me anything other than his standard scripted answers. He cannot always follow directions. He might understand something one day but the next day he just cannot get it.

A simple question about where he put something took a good half hour to get him to understand. I am not positive that in the end he actually DID understand but we had to play it out all the way so he was not anxious about it anymore. He had to be the one to say “yes, it was there” or he would not feel better about it.

This is DC.

This is how he communicates or at times does not communicate. This is how he follows directions and at times cannot follow directions. This is how he processes questions and sometimes cannot process questions. This is how he processes information and sometimes just cannot process information.

Because he gives standard answers, people do not always realize right away that he is not giving the correct answer to their question. People who know that he may just be giving a standard scripted answer may not realize it when he DOES understand the question and gives the correct reply.  Other people he meets along the way in life are not going to take the time to reenact the whole scenario to get to the answer to that question. It is a constant struggle for him and for me, but we do not give up.

I know at 26 years of age there is not a lot of progress that will be made. I know that we will never get to a point where I don’t fear the future when he no longer has me to help him,  but we do not stop trying. There is always a little bit of progress made – there is always something…..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let’s Talk About Kim Rhodes #SPNNJ

For the few people who may not have heard, we attended the Supernatural NJ Con this past weekend. Because I have learned a “few” things over the years; specifically that I would not hear about anything else for months ahead of time if DC knew that Kim Rhodes was scheduled to be there – I did not mention it to him. But DC being DC somehow figured it out (I still do not know how) and trust me, I have heard about “Zack and Cody’s Mom” daily since July.

You can read about it here: Zack and Cody’s Mom!

and here:

and here:

 

Believe me, these….just the tip of the iceberg!

We stayed in New Jersey within walking distance of the convention center. We spent Friday in New York City (DC’s favorite place) and Saturday was spent at the convention center (Sunday, back to NYC – It was HOT…just sayin’!)

Not wanting to make the day uncontrollably long for DC, we arrived at the convention center somewhere around 12/1230. Knowing that DC expects regularly scheduled meals and remembering NY ComicCon where we sat on the floor with pretzels because we could not get near anything else – I started the lunch explanations early; we would stop somewhere on the way to the convention center and have “second breakfast” and we should be able to get some snacks in the convention center here and there during the day. Oddly enough, I only had to go over that 4 or 5 times before he stopped stressing out about not having a regulation lunch.

Our scheduled autograph session with Kim Rhodes was not until 3pm so we looked around a bit.

We stopped at the RandomActs.org table and made a donation. DC, being his charming self had trouble deciding between a button or a temporary tattoo all the while eyeing the teddy bear that was sitting on the table. He asked me for the bear. I told him that it was just for decoration (as I believe that it was). After almost finally deciding on the tattoo, one of the women whispered “Does he want a bear?” I told her that he would love to have one and asked how much they wanted for it.

She said that he had made her day and she wanted him to have one. They even put a little pin on the bear for him. He carried that bear around with him all. day. long.

Not very long after that, Ruth Connell came out to her autograph table. I am not sure that DC knew who she was but the red hair had him intrigued. She had it all pulled up so there was no need for my “Do Not Touch Her Hair” speech/warnings.

Finally it was time to get in line for Kim Rhodes. I had purchased a ticket for the autograph session and the photo op months before because I was not taking any chances of him not getting to see her. Because I never had to purchase a ticket for an autograph session before, (there are just usually photos on the table, you pick one, pay cash and they sign) I did not realize that we had to have something for her to sign already. We were second in line so I yelled for “poor” Doug and told him he had to hurry up and go to the table out in the vendor area and buy a picture. She was not at the table yet and Doug having no idea who any of these people at the convention were went up an octave or so and screeched:  “How can I buy a picture if I don’t know what she looks like?” I hadn’t thought of that and I just started laughing. Doug is a pretty mellow guy but when he does get exasperated with me (very seldom) and moves into this weird high-pitched voice, I just cannot help but laugh – a lot. The woman behind us (getting a kick out of the whole exchange) showed Doug the picture she had and off he went. Before he reached the vendor area, he turned around and started coming back…. I turned to the woman and said “Watch. He is going to give me that schedule in his hand and tell me to use that.”

She laughed.

He did.

She laughed harder.

But finally he did go back out to buy a proper pic. We just let one person at a time go ahead of us until he came back.

Finally, photo in hand – the big moment.

DC was beyond excited! There are times when he gets so overly excited about something that by the time he gets there he flames right out, but he didn’t. I asked him who this was and he answered “Zack and Cody’s mother!” with that little screech that he does when he gets that excited.

They talked about his bear. She signed his picture. She said “I am not supposed to do this but I will” and wrote “You are awesome!” On his picture. I am guessing that in order to keep the lines moving the coordinators do not want the guests to spend too much time writing anything other than their signature?

We told her that we’d see her in an hour for a photo. DC was even more excited when she said that she is allowed to give hugs at the photo ops. DC misunderstood and thought he was getting a hug right there. When I told him that she was not allowed to hug at the table he would get one at the photo op, she decided to give him a big hug at the table anyway. A practice hug, they called it.

You CANNOT IMAGINE and I can not put into words just how over the top thrilled he was! That made his day.

The photo op came up quickly and as soon as he saw her (from the line) the squealing began. He made it to the front and she greeted him as if she was so excited to see him. Now, I know that they are supposed to to that, but that little extra attention she gave him just made the whole day worth it. I do not know if she really remembered him or not (he still had the bear, so I am guessing she really may have). It did not matter, DC believed that she did and that is all that mattered.

 

You will never find a happier guy!

I did not purchase tickets for Sunday because they were too expensive (Sam, Dean and John, their “father” were appearing on Sunday only) but I decided to buy tickets to the concert on Saturday night, thinking that if they were flying in for Sunday appearances, maybe just maybe one or all of them would fly in on Saturday night and make an appearance at the concert.

Had I known when I bought the tickets that the doors would not even open until 10Pm, I would have never done it. I was worried that DC was not going to make it that long.

As it turned out, I am glad that I did not know and glad that I got the tickets.

In an effort to get DC in to the spirit of the thing, I told him that “sometimes” Zack and Cody’s mother, who DC now refers to as  “Kim”,  sang at these concerts. I knew that to be usually true, but I also knew that I was taking a big risk in telling him so.

We thought we were already losing him while waiting in line but we got him to hold on until we made it inside and sat down. By just a few songs in, he was showing signs of being “done” and no longer paying any attention. He did not notice that she had just come out to the stage.

“DC, look who it is!”

He jumped up out of his seat when he realized. He kept pointing at her as if I did not know she was there.

He danced and clapped for the rest of the concert.

At one point, she jumped off the stage and ran through the audience, DC was in the aisle and no, I was not ready with my camera. She ran right by him. (He was thrilled just to see her up close again). But then she stopped, turned around and started back toward him waving. He LOVED IT! She couldn’t come all of the way back to him, but he knew that she noticed him and the wave was for him and him only!

Just that little bit of extra attention made all the difference to DC.

Kim Rhodes has been added to my list of heroes (or as DC would say “Here- eee- Ohs”)

*****

As for the rest…. DC and I had a good time (Doug not so much)

I have only ever gotten to sit in on two panels/Q&A’s before – Once Upon a Time at NYComiccon where DC fell asleep on me (and when I say “on” me, I mean that literally) and the “Revamping of Fairy Tales for TV Trend” discussion at Shore Leave, where DC not only fell asleep on me but did it in the front row.

We actually got to see the Costume Contest (I apologize for the photo quality; I did not think to bring my real camera)

The Mark Sheppard Q&A:

 

 

and The Misha Collins Q&A:

DC did not fall asleep during any of them (I cannot say the same for Doug)

The rest of the concert was fun (even Doug liked it). I was correct. One of the Sunday only guests, Jensen Ackles made an appearance at the Saturday Night Special.

(A very short clip)

 

Another favorite part of the day happened while standing in line for DC to have his picture taken with Mark Sheppard and Misha Collins. The woman in front of me, carrying a binder; obviously much more organized about this than I was, turned to me and said, “I am 47 years old and I have saved up for 12 years to do this.” – She bought the whole weekend Gold package (Knowing how expensive our single day was, I can see how one would have to save for 12 years.), but if she was going to get to do this, she was going to do it right! We chatted a bit while in line and it seemed as if she was having a great time and it was all worth it! I am glad. Sometimes when you look forward to something for such a long time, you end up being disappointed by the reality of it.

This did not seem to be the case for her and it certainly was not the case for DC.

It made me smile.

****

Update: Just when you think she could not be any more wonderful:

 

 

 

***

For those who know how much I loathe “Inspiration Porn”, let me explain the difference  one. more. time.

“I” posted the story because “I” always try to thank anyone that goes out of their way for my child, as I would assume most people would do for their children. I just happen to have a medium to do so. There are some people in this world that deserve to be thanked and Kim is one of them.

For further explanation regarding “Inspiration Porn” – please read a past post: Let’s Talk About Inspiration Porn  

(and yes, I just now realized that I gave this post almost the same title – Seriously… All of my posts are not Titled “Let’s Talk About…” 🙂 )

I Got Distracted on Star Trek Day….

 

(off topic)

I have been re-watching the Star Trek series over the last year and a half/two years now. Because some of my perspectives have changed, I was ready to write about it on September 8th; Star Trek Day, but I got distracted and almost completely missed Star Trek Day altogether.

Those of you that know me know that I have been a Star Trek fan from the time that the very first episode aired of the Original Series. Way before it was “cool” (I’m old).

The was and still is nothing not to love about the Original – nothing.

And….. Captain Kirk was a coffee drinker…

“Yeoman, is that coffee available or have those circuits been damaged as well?” 

I  remember when The Next Generation was being advertised. I was outraged that anyone would try to create a new Star Trek even if the person creating it was Gene Roddenberry himself. How Dare He?!!! My boyfriend at the time, knowing how much I loved Star Trek taped it and brought it to my house for me to watch. I flatly refused. I would NEVER watch a “fake” Star Trek, Never!

Well…. never say never.

As it turned out, I loved it and almost every other that came after. ~ Me 2015

I had seen each incarnation of Star Trek until Star Trek Enterprise came out and every single movie, more than once

until the 2009 release of Star Trek the updated prequel. It was there that I stopped. Nothing against the movie or the actors. I’m sure it was and they were just wonderful. I just did not want to see new actors playing the parts of my favorite characters. ~ Me 2015

I had been finding it difficult getting into any new shows so instead of going back to my “happy shows” that I have no problem watching over and over and over again (The West Wing, Eureka, Parks and Recreation, Angel and the Gilmore Girls), I thought that since I really have not seen an episode of any of the series in the Star Trek franchise in many years; why not try one or all of them? A trip down memory lane would be fun.

You have to remember that when most of these series originally aired; specifically TOS, TNG and DS9, we were able to see them in first run and maybe if we were lucky we would catch a re-run from time to time. Movies were just beginning to be released on video but television series were not. When the Original Series ran, back in the old days of getting up to change between the three network channels and maybe a 4th UHF channel if you moved the antenna in just the right way – video was not even a thought. By the time The Next Generation hit the airwaves, we did have the capability of recording shows from the TV set to VHS, but it would be another few years before I figured out how to do that (more than a few years, if I am honest). So for many of these series, I saw them once when they aired and really never again other than a random re-run here and there.

DEEP SPACE 9

I have always had an affinity to Deep Space 9 but it aired at odd times, like Sunday at 5:00pm or some odd, not in prime-time slot that seemed to change often.  I was able to catch enough episodes to know most of the characters and keep up with some of the story lines.

I started my quest to re-watch all of the series with DS9. I was not disappointed. Deep Space 9 has now been added to the list of television shows that I can and will watch over and over again. It was different but there was no mistaking that it was still Star Trek. Although Deep Space 9 is a permanent space station there was quite a lot of action and travel on the Defiant once the war with the Dominion broke out. I liked the way the characters evolved and changed from the beginning of the series (even the Ferengi’s), in a way that I did not really see in Next Gen. I particularly LOVED the relationship between Chief O’Brien and Dr. Bashir. Watching the characters move from just tolerating each other to best friends spending almost all of their time together was just adorable. Jake and Nog come in a close second in “adorable best friends” category.

Then there is Captain Sisko……

Commander, Captain…. Emissary of the Prophets – trapped between the two different and often-times conflicting worlds of The Federation and the Bajoran people. By far, my favorite captain.

Deep Space 9 is a little bit darker than most of the other Star Trek series but I think that just makes it better and less predictable.

The series is available on Netflix. If you are a Star Trek fan (even if you are not) I would recommend it highly. Do not give up after the pilot episode. There is something odd about it. I can not put my finger on it. I do not know if it is the way it was shot or what, but everyone seems to be over acting as if they were over compensating for sound effects that were to be added later but never were.

If you watch nothing else, please watch Trials and Tribble-ations in season 5, where the crew goes back in time to the Original Series The Trouble with Tribbles episode. So cleverly done!

There is even a funny little call out/acknowledgement to the difference between the Klingons of the past and the Klingons of the present.

Although Raktajino was the “coffee” of choice by most of the DS9 world, one could always count on Chief O’Brien to go old school with his order of coffeeblackdouble sweet”.

I can forgive Commander (later Captain) Sisko for his Raktajino addiction as Raktajino is “techinally” coffee; Klingon coffee.

ENTERPRISE

After finishing DS9, I decided to give Enterprise a try. This is the series I had never seen. I watched one episode….. Nope. The theme song…. Nope.

VOYAGER

Voyager turned out to be another series that was better than I remembered. After getting over (or used to) the Katherine Hepburn impersonation which was not as noticeable watching it once a week as it was binge watching,  I really enjoyed it. The first female captain and an avid/can’t start the day without, coffee drinker to boot.

“Listen to me very closely because I’m only going to say this once. Coffee. Black.”

Again, I enjoyed the evolution of the characters and the friendships that developed; my favorite being Seven of Nine and Naomi Wildman. The added suspense of the “will they or won’t they” was enjoyably different. They picked up strays along the way and made them part of their crew. Everyone was welcome; the Marquis, Aliens and even The Borg.

There was so much there that I did not remember from watching it the first time through all those years ago. It was very much worth the re-watch.

THE NEXT GENERATION

There is a case to be made about leaving well enough alone. There are some series, LOST and Mad Men to name a couple,  that I absolutely loved, loved, loved obsessively but never had the desire to go back and watch again. I wanted to leave them where and how I remembered them. Not to in any way diminish my love for my “happy shows”; they are just different in my mind.

This is where I should have left The Next Generation. I should have left it in my memory as one of the most popular series of the franchise. But….. NOooooo, I had to go and watch it again. Turns out that the memory of it rated much higher than the reality of it.

Although there are characters that still measure up with those from my memory; Geordi, Data, Wesley and Guinan, I am really struggling with each and every episode.

I remember really liking this series, but I found it extremely boring and ridiculously predictable after the first couple of seasons. I do not feel any attachment to any of the other characters. I find myself fast forwarding through scenes of characters that I once thought were fantastic. Commander Riker, who was thought to be the Kirk-like ladies man, now just strikes me as creepy. Even Captain Picard does not measure up to my memory of him. Mr. Worf ? I liked the character much better once he transferred to DS9. It is funny how looking at something with older eyes can change your perspective this much.

And let me just say……. Earl Grey.. (sigh)

ENTERPRISE

I began trying to watch TNG in August of last year (maybe even before that) and 11 months later, I am finally into the 7th season (while alternating with DS9 for the second time).  I am so positively bored by it that I went back to try Enterprise one more time. I am now on the 10th episode. It is holding my attention this time around (fast forwarding through the theme song, of course). Maybe the sheer boredom of the Next Generation made Enterprise more watchable for me. We will see….

THE RE-BOOT MOVIES

I had round two of oral surgery on the 8th which is what distracted me from remembering Star Trek Day ahead of time. Round one happened in July. So yes, I am not only old, but a walking disaster. Round one was just brutal so I was home…. a lot.. . I gave in to pressure and decided to give the reboots a chance.

I really did enjoy all of them. I was happy to see Leonard Nimoy. No matter how many re-boots and new series they make, Mr Spock, played by Leonard Nimoy will always and forever be my favorite character in the Star Trek Universe.

I went into the first one with a bad attitude and was pleasantly surprised. The movie reverts back to previous characters and stories from the Original Series and then they give it all a twist. Everything is different but still somewhat the same. Karl Urban was the perfect choice to play Dr. McCoy. One can see a young DeForest Kelley and imagine him behaving and looking exactly like this in his early Star Fleet days. He absolutely nailed the McCoy character, in my opinion.

The two biggest observations/questions that I have about the re-boots are:

  1. Were Star Fleet officers and personnel not trained in the art of holding on to one’s phaser in the early days? Mere seconds into every fight scene the phaser is knocked out of their hand! Every Time!!!!
  2. Why, Oh, Why would anyone cast Idris Elba in ANYTHING and not show his face until very close to the end?????

WHY????

As for Next Generation; I am determined to finish watching it. Maybe once I am finished, I will feel differently.  I will continue to kick myself for not just leaving it in my memory as a show that I once loved.

Happy Belated Star Trek Day!

 

*****

Photos: From The Star Trek Experience at the Hilton in Las Vegas 2007

Star Trek Missions – NYC 2016

Star Fleet at the Interpid – NYC 2016

More on Star Trek

To Boldly Go… 

Logic is the beginning of wisdom, not the end

Star Trek Missions, NY and a little bit of Reading Rainbow

Gorn? No…..

#TravelingWithDC – Mom’s ‘birfday’

Star Fleet Experience at the Intrepid

And while you are still here, please check out two more posts from friends of mine:

Thank you Mr. Nimoy – from Autism Mom

RIP Mr. Nimoy – from SSirica

Ready to Take that Bow….

DC and Doug will be running with DC’s Unified Sports team in the Labor Day 5K on Labor Day morning. As always, he is geared up and ready to go because there may be food at the end..

And me? I will be stopping for coffee (bucket size) BEFORE we get to the race site…. #LessonsLearned

Happy Labor Day!

From Labor Day 2016:

On Your Marks, Get Set and Take a Bow


5k Labor Day

DC has participated in a variety of Special Olympics programs over the years, but never did I ever imagine he would like running. Yes, I was shocked too. We just gave it a try one year because he was tired of golf (10 years) and volleyball (4 years) because he, not really understanding the games, never advanced past the “skills” levels and that just gets boring. He swam for a good 10 years as well, but the program died off and went away. Skiing, you ask? One year and a half until I thought I’d have a heart attack and pulled him out.

“Done of Skiing” – DC-speak

Running was just something we were going to try. Because DC would rather stay home than do just about anything I always make him at least finish the season just to be sure he really doesn’t like something as opposed to him just not wanting to go out. With a few exceptions, most of the time he ends up enjoying what ever activity I have made him stick out to the end. But running? I never thought it would last. I was so wrong – he’s been running for a good six (or more) years now.

The Labor Day 5K is an event he does every year with the exception of 2015 when his seizures were brand new and me, being me was still too panicked to let him run a race. This 5k is not a Special Olympics event, it is a regular 5K attended by thousands of people as are most of the races his team participates in. The individual team members can pick and choose which races they would like to participate in. This is the race DC almost always runs.

DC is not the fastest runner but certainly far from the slowest. When he puts his mind to it he can run pretty fast, but he doesn’t really understand the competition of it all and really, that is fine with me. As at most races, there are tables set up along the route where people pass the runners water. The runners drink the water while running, but not DC. He stops and leisurely drinks his cup of water and then walks around looking for a garbage can. There are hundreds of cups on the ground because that is what you do when running a race, it is expected. Not DC! He knows that we do not throw garbage on the ground and being that there are no gray areas in DC’s mind, he is just not going to do that. Well, this year he did stop and take his time but he did throw his cup on the ground the first time Doug told him to. There was a gray area and he got past it – Progress.

There are plenty of spectators along the route cheering the runners on. DC upon hearing applause from a large group of spectators and DC being DC, stopped running, took a bow, waved and yelled “Thank-you everyone!” then continued on to the finish line…

Unified 5k

Having to get up at 5:30 am on a holiday, I went on a hunt for coffee as soon as the race started because….coffee. I stood in the Dunkin Donuts line for quite some time. I did not realize how long until I got a text from Doug right when I finally made it to the counter telling me that they were in the home stretch. I got my coffee and headed to the finish line, but I was too late to see him come in.

He did announce “I did it!” when he saw me and also informed me that he won. I wonder if anyone told the race officials because they have him at 2426th out of 2658 runners? We’ll have to see about that.

 

 

Can you say that again? I missed it the first 40 times.

Knowing full well what I was in for, I took away DC’s computer privileges on Sunday evening for reasons that are not necessary for this story.

He is only allowed to use his computer on the weekends. This rule stemmed from the original rule of watching his DVD’s on weekends only. As he now uses his computer to watch his DVD’s,  the rule was amended to include his laptop. He has an iPad and is allowed to use it daily, which he does. I have not had to make a weekend rule about iPad use… yet. I did, however have to put limits on it.

What is the difference, you might wonder? Watching his DVD’s becomes an obsession to the point where he does not want to do anything else. While on the computer he can have the same scene playing on DVD, Netflix and on YouTube on three different screens and alternate rewinding that scene between the 3 screens. It is rewind heaven! Because he cannot use his DVD’s with it, he has not reached that level of movie watching…err rewinding in multiple windows on the iPad.

Losing his computer on Sunday night meant he would not have the opportunity to use it again until Friday, IF the behavior did not continue.

And so it began…

“Mom, use it on Friday.”

“Mom, I promise never to do it again. I’m sorry! Computer on Friday?”

“Mom, I behaving.

(Repeat, with some variation 122 times)

I explained that we would have to see what happens during the week before I tell him he could have it back on Friday.

Monday morning:

“Mom! I was a good sleeper. Computer on Friday?

Mom! I behave! Yaaayyyyyyyy!”

(Repeat 26 times before breakfast) 

Finally, and with a great deal of apprehension because it was Monday and Monday’s have not been DC’s favorite day, by any means , I told him that we were not going to talk about this any more and if he kept asking, he would certainly not get his computer back on Friday.

With that, DC went upstairs and I waited for the fallout.

Instead, he seemed to take that time to think about it because I heard him reciting a line from one of his Disney shows; “If you live in my house, you have to follow my rules”. This also made me believe that he was actually understanding that he did not follow the rules and I was not just a “Mean Mom”.

It seemed as if we had turned a corner.

I did not hear about it again the rest of the morning.

When he called me in the afternoon to tell me that his transport had arrived and he was “going home nowwww”, there was no mention of “Computer Friday”.
Wow! He got over this one rather quickly.

Yay, me!

He called me again when he arrived home as always. Usually this call as well as the earlier call are scripted; he rarely goes off script – he tells me he is home and tells me what he and his aide are planning to do.

He not only went off script but he went off script rather loudly.

COMPUTER ON FRIDAY!!!!

Me: We’ll see what happens this week.

“Computer on Friday” continued after I got home from work.

Now really what I should have done was taken his computer away on Sunday for the original infraction and if the behavior continued, take it away again for Friday, because we all know that “Maybe” is not a word and “We’ll see”, if it means anything to him, probably leans more towards a “yes” than a “no”. But I was all in now, so I could not back down and change my mind.
(Please understand that even if I had told him at the beginning that he could have his computer back on Friday, all of this would still be happening as he would feel the need to verify that fact; over and over again.)

After answering the same question more than once and reminding him that we were not talking about this now, he decided to change his strategy…

“Mom, Going to Dad’s on Friday and use Dad’s computer?”

Sigh….

Me: No. when you lose your computer privileges, you lose them everywhere.

(Repeat this conversation 5 times)

In my infinite wisdom I thought that if I gave him a specific date and put it on the calendar, I might get a break from the continuous questions.
I marked Thursday on the calendar and told him that I would let him know about “Computer Friday” on Thursday.

“Mom! Come here!” (calling me to the calendar and pointing)

“Thursday to use computer on Friday!”

“Mom will tell me on Thursday. Use computer on Friday.”

“Mom! I am a good <insert eater, sleeper, dresser …..> Thursday to use computer on Friday.”

(Repeat 3,946 times)

You knew that was coming…….

The “Fitting Room”

 

Watching the third episode of the new Netflix show “Atypical” I was taken aback first by the mother not wanting to take her son to the mall because he had an issue there the last time they went and secondly, once there, actually pointing out all of the noises that I imagine would have normally bothered him but were clearly not bothering him (as he was on a mission) at the time. It was as if she was disappointed that he was not having an issue with any of it.

There are plenty of things that I do like about this show. The mother is not one of them.

DC is not anywhere close to as independent as Sam is so I can not relate to all of it, but I do think that the literal thinking Sam displays and the way a word might get stuck in his head so much so that he has to repeat it over and over are spot on in relation to DC.

As much as I do not like or agree with the mother’s actions, it did give me pause. Am I so overly sensitive about DC and his surroundings that I may possibly be causing a problem just because I think there is going to be a problem? Am I so sure about how he will react in a situation that I am actually causing him to act that way? I do not think that I do. We go many places and put him into many situations and I think that most of the time, we go thinking (hoping) there will NOT be a problem. But who knows? It is certainly something to think about and keep in the back of my mind.

I WAS a bit surprised by his mother calling ahead to a clothing store to let them know that her son needed a quiet environment, no loud music, no crowds and low lights in order to try on clothes in the fitting room.

I was surprised because it would never occur to me to do that. Parents in a different situation than DC and I, may do that and I am not saying that it is right or wrong – it just would not have occurred to me at all.

I have said quite a few times in earlier posts that I do not necessarily look for accommodations for DC. I want him to try first. This does not mean that if the trying does not work out, or I can see that practice is not going to make it easier, I will not look for a better way or an accommodation – I just do not begin that way. Again, that is just me. That is what I am used to. Accommodations were not available or even thought of when DC was growing up so we either did it the way everyone else had to or we would not be able to do it at all.

I will say that like public restrooms and the complete lack of enough “family” restrooms, fitting rooms are a huge cause of stress for me and DC.

Fortunately most of the time I do not have to have DC try on clothes. There have been times when he had either gained or lost weight and I was not sure what size to purchase that he has had to use the fitting room.

He does not like to “try on” clothes at home to begin with, so trying things on in a store does not make him happy. Then we have to contend with the fitting rooms that are rooms with long hallways of stalls where I can not see him once he goes in. I can not see who might be in there with him either.

The first time I had to send him into a fitting room as described above, he was just going in to high school. I was fortunate that there was a room available right in eye-shot of the main door.

I sent him in with four pair of pants and gave him as many instructions as I could. I wanted him to come out WITH THE PANTS ON so I could see if they fit. The first thing he did was come out in his underwear to hand me the pants he was wearing. I hurried him back in and told him to hang his pants up in the room so he could put them back on when he was finished trying on the rest. He tried the on and came out to show me the rest without incident. Then he came out dressed and carrying all of the pants. It was then that I noticed another flaw in my instructions – he had pulled every single tag off all of the pants.

I have to cut all tags out of his clothes at home so why had it not occurred to me that he would pull all of the price tags and size tags out of the clothes before he put them on? I don’t know, but it did not.

Our next adventure in the fitting room was 3 or 4 years ago when he needed a new suit. Again he was able to use a stall in eye-shot of the door. Remembering the lessons learned from that first time, I gave him his instructions before he went in and continued to remind him by calling all of the instructions into the room as he was changing. The customer shopping around near the fitting room found the whole exchange quite amusing – not in a malicious way though; in a “been there – done that” kind of way. Other than being unhappy about having to try on clothes, DC did much better that time.

By far, one of the hardest fitting room experiences was about a year and a half ago when my step-father passed away. It was not DC who needed something to wear (the suit still fits), it was me. I had gained weight and really just alternated between the 3 or 4 pairs of pants that fit me, quite uncomfortably – for work (I would not buy more because buying a bigger size would be admitting defeat). None of these were dressy enough for a funeral so I had no choice. The wake was that night so I only had that day to find something. I had to take DC with me. Not really knowing my size, I knew I would have to try on a lot of pants and in a few different sizes in order to find one item, just one that would fit and that I did not completely hate.

I found the fitting room and – sigh…. it was room with a long a hallway with many many stalls. I was not sure what to do. There was a bench right outside and I sat DC down and told him not to move. I knew he would not go anywhere, but I did not know what he would do if someone came up and asked him why he was sitting outside the ladies dressing room or if someone asked him to move or if someone asked him anything at all. I told him to call me if anyone talked to him. I went in, yelling to him with each step I took. I did not even make it into one of the stalls when I decided I could not do it.

I came back out and decided that I would just have to buy everything and hope there was something there that fit. If there wasn’t, I was done for because there would not be a lot of time to come back and buy a bunch more just to try on. If there was something that fit, I would just have to return the rest another day.

As we were walking towards the front to pay, we happened upon an alcove with a big round couch in the middle and separate fitting rooms all the way around. Better still, the doors did not go all the way up and I could look over the top! DC sat on the couch and I was able to try on everything while still being able to see him and talk to him from less than 5 feet away.

This kind of set up worked out perfectly and would have been just as helpful if DC were the one doing the “trying on”.

“Family fitting rooms” and more of this type of set up would go a long way in helping to take some of the stress out of shopping and trying on clothes for us and our children………

****

The store with this Fitting Room set up is Kohl’s, I do not know if all of their stores are set up this way but I thought that they deserved a mention. 

 

 

 

 

 

alone…

It started this with the morning application of sunscreen and insect repellent. He does not like it but he puts up with it most days. Today is a camp day, but because he works in a greenhouse during the week, the sunscreen and insect repellent is a daily chore and it begins in the spring – every day. I know that he is quite sick of it at this point, but most days he can just put up with it.

This was just one of those mornings that he couldn’t. That is where it started.

I could see it coming. It looked like a Monday morning (Monday Meltdowns). I did not hear “gotta hurry, hurry, hurry” but I heard the way he went up the stairs to put his stuff away.

When he came down, the running back and forth began. I asked him if he wanted to go outside so he’d have more room to run. I figured he would run up and down the front sidewalk as he does on Mondays when he is having a problem.

We went outside where he had more room to get it all out.

I am not going to describe it, only to say that he had himself so worked up that I really was afraid that he would pass out. It scared me.

He finally sat down with me and hugged me – we sat there hugging for a few minutes while he got his breath back and then he was fine.

DC had meltdowns when he was young and in comparison, these may be the same except maybe they just look worse to me because he is so big now. Maybe they are worse. Maybe it is just that I haven’t seen what I would call a meltdown in such a long time until these started again. Maybe it is his seizure meds. He’s been on them 2 years this week (I will be talking to his doctor next week when he has his appointment) – I don’t know.

Doug is DC and Salli’s transport to camp on Thursdays and Fridays and by the time it was time for him to leave, he was fine. He left and that left just me, by myself to get a grip.

I texted Doug to see how drop off went and he said it was fine.

I am off on Fridays for the summer and today I really needed not to sit here and wallow about it by myself. But it is times like these when I realize just how alone I am. I needed someone to talk to, but I needed someone who would not panic or feel uncomfortable if I burst into tears in mid-sentence.

Doug is off as well, so in my text I asked if he wanted to go for coffee. He couldn’t.

There was really no one else I could call. It’s Friday, people work. If they are not working, they can not always just drop what they are doing to listen to me – although I have done just that plenty of times to listen to others.

I even thought about calling my mother, but I know that it is only other people that get to have problems, I do not; I am just “hysterical”.

So…. I got in my car and drove around and cried like an idiot. I did not want to drive too far because I was worried that even though he was fine when he left, he had himself so worked up that I was afraid that something might happen (like a seizure) and I did not want to be farther away from camp in case I had to go and pick him up. Really all I wanted to do was to go to camp and get him for some more hugs, but it is his last day and he was looking forward to “Awards Day” so I did not want to ruin that for him. So I drove and listened to music and it really did not help.

So now I am home, writing this – just to get it out.

Yes, I know this should be about him, not me and that this may read like I am having a pity-party for myself. Maybe I am. Maybe I needed to have my “moment” so I can just move on with today. We should all be allowed to have our moments. Hopefully when you all are having your moments, you have someone to talk to and help you through it….

Here’s hoping, anyway…

****

Thanks for “listening” and not judging my pity-party.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Welcome to “Monday Meltdowns”

Mondays are difficult for many of us. Mondays are especially difficult for DC. It does not matter if he had a busy weekend or just sat around. It does not matter if he went to sleep early or late.

It just does not seem to matter.

He wakes up relatively happy every morning – Monday included – and goes about his business. For some reason; and it usually happens right before he is ready to leave – his mood changes quickly and drastically.

He does nothing differently on Monday morning than he does any other morning and I try to be very conscious of what I might say or do. I try not look at him for too long or say anything that will set him off. You know, like when you have to try not to look when your child tries a new food because just the act of looking at him will make him stop eating it. That is how our Monday mornings go. Avert your eyes and don’t say anything.

Everything is done the same way and in the order that he likes to do it.

As careful as I am, if I hear…

“I got to hurry hurry hurry” I know it’s all over.

I never tell him to hurry. I am very careful about that, especially in the morning and even more-so on Mondays. We get up in enough time so that he does not have to rush. I do still have to remind him:

Time to brush your teeth

Time to get dressed …. but I do that every morning.

We always leave enough time for him to “Do the writing” (princess papers) while using his iPad.

When the “hurry, hurry, hurry” rears it’s ugly head as it did this morning, I tell him that he has plenty of time. There is no rush. I have to try but I know that by that time, there is no turning him back.

When his transportation came this morning, DC was in rare form and ran, full speed out to the van. I was willing him with my mind to get in, because if he stops and looks back at me – he will come charging back.

And that is what he did.

He came charging back so fast that I was sure he would not be able to stop; he did stop running before knocking me over but he was not happy.

And so it began…..

I won’t go into details but it was loud, very loud…

After what seemed like an eternity, he calmed himself and started walking slowly back to the van. “Slowly” was good and I was just thinking that this hadn’t been all that bad compared to some Mondays, when he started running full steam again…. to the van and right back to me again…. to fulfill his mission of spreading of autism awareness to the neighborhood.

The driver had gotten out and opened the door while he was waiting for all of this to end, in the hopes that if he did not have to stop to open it, he would get right in. It worked. He went back to the van again and GOT IN.

The van started backing out of the driveway, stopped and pulled back in. DC jumped out and ran full steam back to me again for just a touch more awareness spreading. Finally he started back to the van; walking this time, so I was hopeful. He got in the van – even more hopeful –  and the van drove away. I stood there just in case but it did not pull back in.

I know I will never know what goes on in his mind all of the time but still, it bothers me because I can not figure out what triggers this. What sets him off all of a sudden? For now, I am going to have to go with the fact that NO ONE likes Mondays and this is just the way he reacts to them lately. Mondays were never an issue until the last year or so.

It could be that he is just tired, but then why is he all right most of the morning? I watch and watch but I just do not see what triggers it and why just over the last year or so. Nothing about his day is different.

Yes, I have been mother to my autistic son for 26 years and yes, I know that we sometimes cannot figure out what is going on. I know that….

Knowing that does not stop me from trying to figure it out… It never did and it never will.

****

I normally use my other blog for random face book statuses, but these fit the mood here today:

After a holiday weekend so Tuesday was our Monday:

 

Another Monday holiday, so Tuesday was again our Monday:

When Mondays go well, one begins to worry..

#NotSoBadMonday (a big chunk of ceiling came down in the kitchen right after this next status was posted, so the rule is; if DC doesn’t get me, something else will)

 

 

Monday and Brief Power Outage Combo!

 

Hope you all had a Happy Monday!

Frosting

After having oral surgery and becoming VERY tired of eating soup, I went searching through my refrigerator and cabinets for some more exciting “soft food” when I came across a can of frosting in one of my cabinets.

Why did I have a can of frosting?

Beats me!

My baking skills leave a lot to be desired.

How old was this can of frosting?

Your guess is as good as mine – but in my mind, it fell into the soft food category; so…. okay. Score!

Finding this can of frosting brought me back to when DC was little. I always had a can of frosting in the refrigerator. It was a staple.

I am not a fan of cake, really – but frosting?

“Just the frosting, please.”

Never trust a person who says the cake is delicious but the frosting is just “too sweet”.

Really?

Move away from the cake… just hand it over.

I have it on good authority that THE second best thing for a frosting junkie is access to leftover cake, preferably refrigerated but room temp will do.

Leftover cake in the privacy of your own home gives license to slice (not scrape…. slice) off all of the frosting around the sides and of course the top so there is just a very thin almost just crumb-like layer of cake with the sliced frosting.

Be warned! There will be complaints that you are leaving everyone else with naked cake. What is everyone else supposed to do with a naked cake?

Donate it to the “frosting is TOO sweet” people or throw it away. Who cares?

It’s frosting-less cake.

Nobody wants it, but feel free to let it sit, naked in the refrigerator for a few more days for appearances sake to sort of console yourself into thinking that you left some for somebody else. (You also rendered it useless for those you were so nice to leave it for. But letting it sit there creates the illusion that you do not in any way understand that you have ruined the leftover cake for everyone else)

The frosting that I always had on hand when DC was young and replaced as soon as it was gone, was MY frosting. It was there just for me when I decided a spoonful of frosting was in order. (of course I was much <MUCH> thinner way back then).

Some people keep a stash of chocolate. I kept frosting.

That along with my (MY) own jar of Peanut Butter for those occasions when a spoonful of Peanut Butter was the craving, were always present in my refrigerator. I still hide my own jar of Peanut Butter – because some things do not change.

DC did not know about this frosting that I found in the cabinet, so I declared it, in my head to be mine. My mouth had been ripped to pieces. It had been a week and a half of soup and other foods that I do not like. It had been a week and a half of pain and after all of that time stuck in the house in pain and starving, this is what my life had come to…. total over-the-top excitement about a can of frosting!

But I deserved this frosting.

I only took it out when DC was not in eye shot.

MINE

I felt guilty hiding it from him, but not guilty enough to share it.

It was mine.

Mine, I tell you!

All good things must come to an end….. he caught me.

He wanted some.

Drat!

Not wanting him to pick up the bad habit of eating out of containers or finish the last of it,  I spread some on a few bite size cookies for him.  He was good with that.

It was the tail end of the can so there was just a little bit left for me.

It was the tail end of the can. He knew that, so he would not be looking for more.

It was the tail end of the can and although I thought about it – a lot,  it will not be replaced.

It was the tail end of the can…

I found a can of frosting.

I was excited.

It is gone now.

That is all.