Take it easy

Posted by TakingItAStepAtATime

DC’s best friend, BB is a big oldies fan and has been from the time he was very young – Elvis being THE ultimate favorite. I once asked his mother where this came from, he was definitely too young at the time to really know who Elvis was. She had no idea. His love for Elvis led him to the Beatles and oldies in general. He listens to the oldies station and the DJ’s, before the station changed format, would always take a phone call from BB.

DC is always open to do anything BB likes – they do have quite a lot in common to begin with, namely their love of musicals, but DC never really had much of an interest in concerts, other than the Wiggles (kill me now).

He has been to plenty though. Most were outdoors where we were free to move about.

6 years old -blondie-better-than-ezra-our-lady-peaceecho-and-the-bunnymen-mighty-mighty-bosstonesks-choice-local-h-moist-moby-rane

6 years old -blondie-better than ezra-our lady peace-echo and the bunnymen-mighty mighty bosstones k’s choice-local h-moby

BB’s love of the oldies opens up another door for DC, away from the realm of Disney. If BB wants to go, DC is open to it and will almost always end up having a good time. I am always on the lookout for oldies concerts. DC and BB have been to quite a few Beatles cover band concerts, one with an Elvis impersonator as the opening act. I never have to try to “relate” these concerts to anything for DC – BB likes it so that is good enough for him. Of course Elvis was easily relatable to Lilo and Stitch, but that was just a bonus. We’ve been to a “Happy Together” concert and even Chicago. BB of course loved all of them and DC really did enjoy himself too, even though he really did not know any of the music.

When my brother offered me Eagles tickets back in March for my birthday, BB was my first thought. Keeping it a secret from him for 3 months was not an easy task for BB’s mother. Much like DC, we can not tell BB about these events too far ahead of time. One of the last times we were planning on taking BB with us somewhere – he went snooping found it written in his mom’s calendar. He always seems to find out ahead of time – a true detective indeed. This time I told her to write it in as “Bird Watching” (yes, I crack myself up). That is exactly what she did…… We did actually manage to keep it a secret for possibly the first time ever!!!!! When we came to pick him up, he still had no idea where he was going. Impressive!

And how did the boys do……………?

BB was certainly surprised and excited when he found out where he was going. He was a little bit overwhelmed by the crowds. I don’t think he was expecting quite that many people – The ‘Beatles’, Chicago and Happy Together shows were all at much smaller venues. At intermission while standing in the massive crowd, he asked me if this was what ‘the’ concert was like in 1971………. (sigh)…………..

I explained to him that I while I did not go to many concerts in 1971 because I was ELEVEN….. this is what a concert was like and is still like now. He had just never been to a large concert venue before. Because the Eagles were talking a lot about 1971 while going though their history, he had it in his head that all of these people attending were there as a reenactment of a 1971 concert. I don’t think he realized the amount of people who attend concerts in large venues.

DC found it necessary to nap during the “mellow” first part of the show. He caught his second wind for the second half and I do believe they both had a very good time – crowds, naps, bird-watching and all.

Holy Inappropriate Conversation, Batman! – Stories from the Dental Chair

Posted by TakingItAStepAtATime

I had a dental appointment last week. Years ago, I requested never to be scheduled with one particular hygienist. The first time I saw her, I left there feeling as if my mouth had been ripped apart. As it turned out, she has a child with autism. I made the mistake of telling her that DC also has autism. Mistake? Yes! Mistake! This was the most uncomfortable and painful appointment I have ever had! Painful – because the more she talked about her son the more aggressively she cleaned my teeth. Uncomfortable – because the stories she felt compelled to tell me about him were just unbelievably inappropriate (in my opinion) and very uncomfortable for me.

I have friends and we do feel relatively comfortable talking about our many issues with our children, but never, ever would I speak of these things with a stranger or here in this blog. Her stories went above and beyond anything I could even imagine. In general, I am usually willing to talk with anyone about autism. I am no expert and can only speak to DC’s autism, but I am always willing to talk about it if someone feels the need. It did not take long for me to realize that she was not looking for someone to talk to, she was just really looking for someone to shock and this conversation was not just for my benefit, it was for the benefit of the entire office.

When I arrived for my appointment last week I discovered that they had scheduled me with her again. I couldn’t ask them to switch because she was standing right there. She didn’t remember me, and I specifically did not mention DC…. but it didn’t matter – she had just gone through a divorce…….

sigh………

I left there with my mouth torn to pieces.

This appointment and the memory of my first appointment with her reminded me of a post I wrote a few months back which was written about what I will share or not share. Everyone has different ideas about what they feel comfortable sharing, but there are some things that I, personally am not comfortable in sharing here – that’s just me. I am sure there are people that think that I share too much and that is fine too – I am comfortable right where I am..

****

Hat Day

Posted by TakingItAStepAtATime

Today is DC’s first full day at camp. He has attended this camp since he was 5 years old. He loves it. Before he left the school system at age 21, he was able to attend 9 to 3 every day for 7 weeks each summer. Now that he has a “job”, he normally uses some of his allotted vacation time to attend for two weeks of the season. He does and has always been able to attend the twice weekly after camp program.

He attended when he was at the camp full time and still attends now after work. Because we took an extra vacation this year, he was not able to take an extra two weeks off to attend camp as he usually does, so I opted for him to go one day a week on Friday in addition to the two “after camp” sessions that do not interfere with his work schedule or his time off. This works out well because I am off from work on Fridays for the summer and I don’t have to figure out and schedule how he will get there each day.

The camp has what they call “Special Days” (more about that in an upcoming ‘Everything is Related’ post) listed on the calendar. Because of DC’s schedule he has missed one of his favorites, Hat Day (or “silly hat day” as DC likes to call it) for the past 3 years. He still has every single construction paper award that he has ever won for his hats on Hat Day and he is very proud of them.

Today happened to be Hat Day. As soon as DC discovered that he would be at camp on Hat Day, it was all that I heard about. We went through his collection of silly hats and he chose the cheeseburger hat.

We arrived at camp and he got himself situated. Although the director and assistant director are aware of his seizure, I wanted to stress again the fact that I really believed it had to do with the heat and the all-around stress of the day we had that day. I also wanted to talk to his group leader personally.

We were a bit early so the staff was still in their morning meeting. DC decided that he had to use the restroom. He came right out and informed me that there was no toilet paper.

(for someone who was so uncomfortable writing a post about toilet paper that I had to use a code word – ‘paper towels’, I do get that it is odd that I am writing a post about it again)

I got him a big handful from the ladies room and he went back in, no problem…. or so I thought. When he came out, he would not let go of the fact that there was not toilet paper in the men’s room, even though he didn’t need it any longer, it wasn’t there. I told him that I would let the director know as soon as they were finished with their meeting – but he would just not calm down about it.

When the meeting was over he came with me – still ranting – to talk to the director. First I explained to her that what was going on right then was because there is no toilet paper in the rest room. She immediately called to one of her staff to replenish the supply. This did not do a thing to calm him down. It was too late. This coupled with his normal ‘arrival anxiety’ was too much and even when I showed him the new rolls, it didn’t matter, he was too far into this now. It went on for awhile.

When he finally did calm down about that, he moved right into his normal routine of obsessing about me.

“I’m sorry, calm down now. I’m sorry. Not ‘crappy’ anymore “- (DC – speak “crabby”).

As many times that I have told him over the years that he has nothing to be sorry about (and as many times as I told him this morning), this is what happens. If we are home together, this could and has gone on for hours. If I am dropping him off somewhere, I try to just get him calm enough so that I can leave, because if I am there he will continue to perseverate on me.

I was worried and having seizure flashbacks because it was hot and now he was upset, so I was afraid to leave when I normally would have. He finally did calm down to the point where I felt comfortable leaving – not to say I feel comfortable leaving him anywhere since the seizure, but as comfortable as I can be now-a-days.

As I was leaving he moved on to obsessing about whether I was going to come back and when I was going to pick him up. This is his regular obsession – I do not know why – I have never been so much as a minute late in picking him up anywhere, ever, but it has always been a thing with him.

Now that he had moved on to “Mom is coming back”, his regular routine, I was sure it was safe to leave.

I hope his anxiety this morning does not ruin “Hat Day” for him. Fingers crossed that he comes home with that construction paper award today, because that will most certainly fix everything.

***********************

and later ……

Going to the “Lie-ber-ary”

Posted by TakingItAStepAtATime

DC has support staff that comes to our house for a couple of hours each day. He has had this staff since somewhere around the age of 18. One or the other is there when he arrives home from his job and they stay until 5PM – a little bit after I get home from work. His staff is there of course because I am still at work when he gets home from his program but their specific purpose is support in life-skills and community activities.

Tuesday and Friday have been designated as “Lie-ber-ary” (DC-speak = Library) days with his staff. On Tuesdays he goes to the library in town with one aide and on Friday he goes to a library in the next town over with Mrs. H. These trips to the out of town library began a few years ago when our library was closed for renovations. They started going there “temporarily” but it has now become part of his permanent schedule.

Last Sunday he came to me with his library books and asked to go to the “Cole-cot Lie-ber-ary” on Monday with Mrs. H. (He must take out his library books the day before his scheduled library visit and put them on the kitchen table – always. Even though the spot where he keeps the books are on the desk 3 steps away – they must be placed on the table the day before.) I was a little bit confused by this. He knows that Monday isn’t his library day – it wouldn’t matter to me if he wanted to change that schedule, but I knew that him changing his schedule voluntarily was highly unlikely. I asked him why he wanted to go on Monday, since he just took them out a few days before. He just stood there are stared at me.

“DC, why do you want to go tomorrow?”

” ‘Cole-cot lie-ber-ary’ with Mrs. H on Monday”

“Don’t you want to wait until Friday?”

Now he has starting to look panicked….

“DC, what’s wrong? You can go on Friday with Mrs. H”

“No! ‘Cole-cot lie-ber-ary’ with Mrs. H tomorrow!”

I was thinking that he was trying to get out of cleaning his room (Life-Skills – Monday) or worse… going for a walk, but then I realized that he was a step ahead of me in the planning of his week:

Friday was the 3rd of July. He had the day off from his program and I had the day off from work. This meant no Mrs. H that day and no Friday trip to the library.

I had never mentioned having the day off on Friday. I am not even sure that I had told him at this point that he was off as well. I’m sure he knew a holiday was coming and I suppose he heard or figured out that it was being observed on Friday. Knowing it was a holiday, he figured out that he would not be going to his program, I would not be going to work, Mrs. H. would not be there that day and as it was a holiday, and it was possible that the library would be closed. He made all of those connections in his head and came up with his own plan to return the books that he had and to take out some new ones.

This may not seem like a big thing to some but I have to say I found it quite impressive…….

The books then took their place on the kitchen table in preparation for Monday.

Thunder and Lightning – Happy 4th!

Posted by TakingItAStepAtATime

2004 sparklers

I know that fireworks are at times a big issue for children and adults with autism. This time of year is difficult for DC. It is not only Thunder and Lightening Season, but as we know, the firecrackers seem to begin exploding around the middle of June in anticipation of the 4th. I generally spend these two or three weeks explaining to DC over and over again that the noise he is hearing is not a storm, it is just someone shooting off fireworks. He is okay with that. For a child (man) that just cannot stand a storm, he was always fine with fireworks. He actually really LOVES fireworks, he always has.

To look at him when the first few go off, one would think he is terrified. He nearly jumps out of his skin and covers his ears, even when he knows they’re coming, but then he laughs and after the first few the ear covering is ends and he is stimming away.

We are fortunate that we never really have to go anywhere to see a really great 4th of July fireworks display. Someone in town (and I still really haven’t determined who) puts on a really fabulous display every year. At one time there were two big displays, one earlier in the evening that we could see perfectly from the front of the house and the other larger display that we could see perfectly from the back of our house.

I never really know what night they will go off, until they start. Generally I forget all about them until they start. I guarantee you that whether it be tonight or tomorrow night, as soon as DC realizes that what he is hearing is not thunder we will be standing outside in our pajamas.

Maybe this year I will try to think ahead and remember not to get changed so early…….

Will there be cake?

Posted by TakingItAStepAtATime

DC’s father was in Florida for the winter. He left in mid-November. DC did get to see him on the day after Christmas for dinner when DC, Doug and I were in Florida on vacation.

His dad came back from Florida in May for the summer. One of DC’s first visits with his dad was on a Sunday. They went to his Aunt’s house for DC’s belated birthday party. His dad was not here for his birthday and his Aunt was ill at the time, so the party she planned to have for him right around his birthday had to be put on hold. They made up for it that Sunday though. DC was happy, he loves his birthday and nothing could be better than to be still celebrating his birthday two months later and let’s not forget the cake! Cake is very important to DC!

His father asked to take him on the following Wednesday, so DC went to his father’s house and came home in the morning in time for his transportation to take him to work. It was only a few days later on Sunday that DC had his seizure. He was supposed to go to his father’s on the following Wednesday, but we decided to cancel since it had only been a few days since the seizure and I was not comfortable letting him out of my sight.

A week later, his dad took him to his Aunt’s house again, this time to celebrate Father’s Day with the rest of his family. DC came home happily listing everything he had to eat because that is what is important. (He did ask me about “cake” before he left that morning and I told him that there may not always be a cake every time he goes to his Aunt’s house…..but yes, there was a cake 🙂 ).

When his dad returned him on that Sunday he asked if he could take him again on Wednesday. DC got frustrated and said “No! I don’t want to!”. He does this at times – he says no, without meaning to or without really listening to what he is saying “no” to. I told him not to worry, we had nothing scheduled on Wednesday and it would be fine for him to go to Dad’s. After his dad left he continued to go on about not going. I thought that he might be confused so I brought him to the calendar to show him that there was nothing going on that day. I wrote “Dad’s House” on the calendar. DC got angry and yelled “Cross Out! No!”.

From the many years spent crawling around in DC’s head trying desperately to figure things out, I had an idea about what was going on here, but I left it alone for a while. When I talked to him again a few hours later and got the same response, I decided I had to call his dad the next morning. As I said, I had an idea about what was going on but first I wanted to be sure that nothing happened, even something as small as the power going out for a split second, or the dog jumping on him, or a piece of furniture in different place, would be enough to cause this anxiety. There was nothing that he could think of.

I told him what I thought this was all about. DC hadn’t seen him in over 6 months. He was now used to not seeing his dad and only talking to him on the phone. Even before he left for Florida, he had not taken DC twice a week for many years, it was always once a week – every other Sunday and every other Monday. Now he is home and DC, with his own agenda in his head, and also quite used to not seeing Dad, feels as if Dad is “cramping his style” for lack for a better term. That, combined with his seizure and probably not wanting to sleep anywhere but home was making him a bit anxious. He loves to see his dad, don’t get me wrong, but he is used to what he is used to and it will take a little time for him to get used to something else. His dad suggested that I ask DC what day he would like to go to his house.

Later that day I did ask DC if he wanted to pick a day that he wanted to go. There was no fussing and no anxiety, it was his choice. He immediately wrote “Dad’s House” on Sunday. I told him that I would call his father to see if he was available that day. As it turned out, he wasn’t. I told DC that Dad had to work on Sunday (he didn’t, but it was easier than trying to explain “other plans”) I asked him if he wanted to make another choice. He chose Wednesday! The same day he was so adamant about not going!

Wednesday came and he was happy to go and he was still happy when he came home.

What have I taken away from all of this?

~ He needs time to get used to the fact that his father is going to be a part of his schedule again, at least until winter comes.

~ We need to make sure that DC is allowed to have some say in the matter and give him a choice of dates.

And….. you might think I am trying to be funny or making a joke, but I know my child…..

~ I am absolutely 100% certain that when I first gave him a choice and he opted for Sunday right away, it was only because he thought there would be cake……

Hey! That’s not in the script!

Posted by TakingItAStepAtATime

About a year or so ago, I wrote a post about the difficulty DC has with using the telephone (Don’t forget to call Mom). We haven’t made all that much progress since that post but we continue to work at it. As I said in that post, he does know how to use the telephone, but he only uses it when he is told to. It is never spontaneous. Most of his calls are to me, to tell me he is leaving work and again to tell me that he is home.

Much of the conversation with me when he calls is a script. There were a few times that he was late calling me to tell me that his transportation arrived. Wondering if he had just forgotten, I called him and he told me he was “going home nowwwwwww”, which is what he tells me every day. As it turned out, he was not in the car – he was not going home. The car was running late. He has his script and he rarely deviates from that script.

It was a very long process – a very long process to teach him how to get into the house by himself. Because I work and because his dismissal time from school seemed to get earlier and earlier with each step up (from elementary to middle school to high school), I was always worried that, due to traffic or some other unforeseen circumstance, he might arrive home before I did. I wanted him to be able to get himself in, lock the door and call me – just in case. That whole process is a blog for another day.

He does now have someone after work that comes to the house and is with him for life skills and community activities for 2 hours a day. Still, there might be times when his car is early and he arrives before his aide does. It does not happen often but do I always want him to be prepared.

Having said that it does not happen often, coincidently it this happened twice just recently….

The Phone Rings:

DC: Hi Mom, I am home.

Me: Hi, DC. Is Mrs. H there yet? (I knew she wasn’t, but would be there in seconds – but still I like to try to get the correct replies)

DC: No.

Me: Did you lock the door?

DC: Yes

Me: Did you lock the door?

DC: No.

Me: Please go and lock the door. You are supposed to lock the door as soon as you come home.

DC: Okay

Me: Don’t hang up! (He does not understand that he can just put the phone down, lock the door and come back)

He hangs up…

and second later the phone rings

DC: Hi Mom, I am home again!

I mentioned his “Going home nowwww” script above. He uses the same script every day. Once in a great while he will change it up a bit, but it does not last. He reverts to his regular script the next day. As I also said above, I can’t take his scripting to be what is actually happening. Fortunately he always talks to me on speaker, so if what he is telling me, is not what is really going on someone – his boss or the driver will chime in to give me the real story.

The other morning DC, as he does every day, announced that he only had “Two Dollars Left” . This is always his way of telling me he wants money for hot lunch at work. He doesn’t understand money and I think he believes I have a never-ending supply of it in my wallet. I discovered that I didn’t have any cash so I told him he would have to make his lunch that day. He was not happy about this at all and began to get very demanding about money for hot lunch. I explained to him again that I didn’t have any money to give him for lunch and if he did not stop behaving this way, I would not give him lunch money any more and he would have to make his own lunch every day.

He stopped.

When he called me from the car on his way home that afternoon – he went right into his normal conversation:

“Hello Mom”

“Hi, DC. What are you doing?”

“I am going home Nowwww”

“Did you have a good day?”

“Great”

“Okay, call me when you get home”

“Okay”

That morning’s conversation must have been on his mind all day because before he hung up he yelled

“I want Mom’s money!!!!!!!!”

I could hear the driver laughing and I really couldn’t help laughing myself. I guess when there is something that is really important to him, especially when there is food involved, he can and will go “off-script” to make that perfectly clear to me.

Everything is Related – Dr. Who

Posted by TakingItAStepAtATime

Relating the things that DC loves to anything else just helps to make it more enjoyable for him. DC loves to travel, but if we are not traveling to Disney World I usually rack my brain to come up with something to make the trip more interesting and exciting for him. Recently we took a trip to London and Paris.

One of the items on our agenda would be a trip to Cardiff and the Dr. Who Experience – have I mentioned that before? 🙂 . DC loves Dr. Who, but he gravitates more to the David Tennant Doctor and Rose combo. He eventually warmed up to Matt Smith, but he is having trouble relating to the Peter Capaldi Doctor.

On the recommendation of Autism-Mom we watched the Paddington Bear movie before we left. The movie is centered in London and I was hoping that he would warm up a bit to Peter Capaldi as he is a very funny character in the movie (two birds – one stone kind of relating for DC). He liked the movie and above all, it gave him a few more relatable items to bring to London and to Cardiff.

Paddington Store – Paddington Station

Paddington Station

So here we have the fourth installment in the “Everything is related” series.

Dr. Who is one of the very few “relatable(s)” that did not come directly or even indirectly from Disney. I happened upon the series quite by accident. I happened to be flipping channels one morning at 5am and there it was, on the Syfy Channel. I had missed the beginning and had no idea what this was or what was going on. (I had to do a little bit of research today to try to determine how long ago this was; I am guessing somewhere around 2008 as they were already into the David Tennant seasons. I assumed that the SyFy channel was showing the season that had just ended and not brand new episodes.). I discovered later that the episode I saw that first morning was “Gridlock” – it is still one of my favorite episodes.

I sleep with the TV on. Listening to whatever is on distracts me from the “mind race” I seem to have every night when I try to get to sleep. I know that I have mentioned that TNT (‘Two-Five’ in DC-speak) is the default channel in our house. I got into the habit of watching (half asleep/half awake) the 4am episode of “NUMB3RS” and then the 5am episode, fully awake with coffee before DC woke up. For some reason the 5am episode was not on the schedule on Friday mornings. Not wanting to give up my “sitting in bed with coffee ‘me-time'”, I started flipping channels searching for anything that was not an infomercial.

I was totally hooked on NUMB3ERS and when TNT removed it from their lineup entirely, I had to just purchase the entire series. But on the upside, due to TNT’s very odd Friday scheduling, I had become an official “Whovian”. I went out and purchased all of the newer revamped seasons that were available at the time.

Quite by accident again while I was watching my newly purchased Dr. Who DVD’s, DC walked into the living room just in time to see a burping trash can. Over and above anything else, DC is a male, therefore anything having to do with bodily functions is just hilarious to him. He was hooked.

We purchased our Dr. Who Experience and train tickets months before we left on our trip. It was a two hour train ride from London to Cardiff and then a short cab ride to Cardiff Bay. I have to say that I was just as, if not more excited as DC was.

Inside was a snack area and quite a few very lifelike figures. DC did his best not to “Blink”.

Don’t Blink

I did not know what to expect inside the “Experience”- I imagined something like the old Star Trek Experience in Las Vegas – a virtual ride. It wasn’t like that at all but still a lot of fun. Of course, photos are not allowed inside the “Experience”.

Star Trek Experience Quark’s Bar

The exit from “Experience” brought us into an area of props – TWO Floors (exciting!!!). Photos are allowed in this area so I am going to post a few… Please understand that I am using a great deal of restraint in not posting every single one!

Cardiff Bay, the area around the Dr. Who Experience was very pretty, filled with shops and restaurants. There was a walking tour that was part of the ticket price to the Experience. We chose not to wait and since we had a map, we took the tour on our own. To be honest all I wanted to find was the entrance to Torchwood. As it turned out it was right in that same area and impossible to miss. While DC and Doug rode the carousel, I walked over and took a few photos of the Torchwood fountain (the secret entrance to the Torchwood Institute).

We had a nice lunch at Bill’s and opted to walk back to the train station. I would definitely recommend Bill’s for lunch, maybe not the walk back to the station.

We had little time before our train was scheduled to leave so we took a quick walk up to Cardiff Castle where a few Dr. Who scenes were filmed and where the Tardis landed in celebration of 50th Anniversary of the Dr. Who Series. It was only a five-minute walk from the station, but we really did not have the time to go through the whole castle. I wish we had scheduled it into our day ahead of time. Normally DC loves a castle, any castle but he was exhausted at this point so viewing it from the outside was just fine with him.

I am not going to give away what goes on inside “The Experience” itself because, you know, “Spoilers Sweetie” but I will say that DC found the final “piece of the puzzle” and inserted it into the proper place and helped to save the universe……

It was a great day all around for us, but more importantly – for the universe.

…and sometimes a smile is all that we need #1000speak #Compassion

Posted by TakingItAStepAtATime

Compassion comes in many forms and at times just the smallest thing – a glance or a smile can mean more than the grand gesture.

I was away and not able to participate in the May 20th #1000speak and due to some unplanned/unforeseen issues going on at the moment, I thought I wouldn’t have the opportunity to participate this time around…..

Then I saw this post from a friend of mine and it made me smile. It made me smile each and every time I read it and on a day when I really needed a smile.

It always seems to be those little things, the things that no one thinks about – that no one else might even notice that can just make your whole day brighter.

Below is a post from my friend, Cedar. Her son, Colin has autism, like DC, but he is much younger. When we are used to and dread the same reactions from people day after day when we are out in public with our children, it is wonderful to see something different and positive once in awhile. On a day that she was experiencing all of those negative vibes from people in a waiting room, this small thing, meant the world to her.

DC is 24, so we really don’t get those “bratty kid” stares or comments from people anymore – not to say we still don’t get stares, we do, but not that kind. It is obvious now that he is an adult that he is not just a “spoiled brat” that I can’t control. Her son is younger. It is not that obvious, so she has to deal with those judging comments and stares everyday.

“You Are My Angel Today”

– Post by Cedar

Describing the photo:

My son Colin had an appointment to have blood work done. He had to fast before- hand so you can imagine how loud this waiting room was. He is barefoot because he threw his shoes at the receptionist.

BUT!!! I want to find this cute elderly man in the corner. He could have been mean and glared at us like everyone else, but he got up and got that chair for Colin because Colin wanted to sit by him.

Do you see that smile? It never left that man’s face.

So kind Sir, I want to hug you, I want to have you over for dinner, I want to hear your stories, but mostly, I want to thank you again for making me feel like a regular mom. You are my angel today. Thank you.

I did get the chance to give him a hug. I was crying, but I hugged him and thanked him. He was so sweet. It seemed like he needed the hug and he thanked me for letting him play with Colin. He said his grand kids live far away and are older now. I wish I had gotten his number. I emailed the doctor later and asked if they knew who he was and if they would give him my number. I hope they will. What a sweetie.

They are few and far between; but it is the moments like this that help me to keep believing in people. ~ Cedar

********************

From: #1000speak Blog:

Bloggers from all over the world are coming together to talk about compassion on the 20th of each month. The 1000 Voices Speak for Compassion movement was born when blogger and author Yvonne Spence organized over 1000 bloggers to post about compassion in one epic event on February 20, 2015. The response was so great that it was decided to continue the #1000Speak project on a monthly basis, with a different topic each month.

Add your voice: #1000speak Facebook Group and #1000speak Facebook Page

And don’t forget to link your post to the #1000speak linky

What did you do today?

Posted by TakingItAStepAtATime

Recently I was searching the house for something. We have no storage space so “storage” is pretty much anywhere I can stuff something and finding “said something” later often proves to be an all day event. I never did find what I was looking for but I did come across DC’s Journal from way back in elementary school.

The journal was created after many years of me begging for the teacher to write something in his book other than “Fine day overall” (one of my favorites). I wanted to be able to have a conversation, as much of a conversation as possible, with DC about his day. I wanted him to understand the question. If I wasn’t told about specific things that he had done on that particular day, and took his standard responses as fact, or guessed at what he had done and was wrong, he would never be able to understand the question. Other than lunch, the rest of his day is described with standard answers. Some of these answers may have been the truth at some point, but I am sure they are not the list of things he does everyday. Once he comes up with an answer, that is the answer I will get every day.

Even now that he is out of school and working – I get the same response every day: “DC, what did you do today?” “Good” (Some of the time he doesn’t understand the “what” of the question and other times I am sure he is just jumping the gun and giving me an answer to get this over with) “No, DC, what did you do at work today?” The daily reply: “In the Greenhouse, scooping the dirt, clean the cart” Fortunately the staff will sometimes write specific things that he did that day, so I can respond with, “Didn’t you mow the lawn today?” “Yes”

After years of not getting information about his day, we began writing a journal every night. I would type the things that I KNEW first-hand that he had done that day. I left some blanks for him to fill in names, locations or items. I included photos, so that it made more sense to him. I did add a few little jokes that helped me keep the boredom of typing this every night, at bay.

We did this every single night for a good three years. The book went to school with him everyday. I knew people were reading it, but still it took them 3 years to finally begin a journal for him at school. I came across this book a few years back during another search for something I had put away and could not find again. I didn’t have a lot of time to look through it at the time, so I put it away and haven’t thought of it since. I was glad to come across it the other day again. I’m so glad I didn’t get rid of it – so many memories. One day I will sit down with DC and read the whole thing from beginning to end.

Below are a few randomly selected pages (most from the front of the book, early on). They are certainly make-shift and not close to what I could have done today with all of the different software available (or should I say, the different software I have learned to use), but still, it is nice to have the pages and the book. (some names or locations have been edited for this post) And a Few More………

I know that his communication is and always will be a work in progress, but I do think he’s made a bit of progress from way back in the day when we were making this journal every night.

A version of this post was published in Autism Parenting Magazine – How Journaling with my ASD Son Created a Special Connection – Issue 39 Page 38 and 39