Happy Thanksgiving!

Wishing you all a very Happy Thanksgiving…..

Someone I know is looking very forward to a turkey leg –

or “Chicken with bones and sprinkles”

-although I’m sure the wings will do in a pinch.

It’s all about the bones.

But bones aside,  right now he would just like to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving!

 

 

Two Years ago – “I Love you, Mom” (Just a little Thanksgiving Quickie)

(November 2013)

DC flashing the I Love you Sign as he does almost anytime he walks by me.

DC flashing the I Love you Sign as he does almost anytime he walks by me.

Who would not be thankful for this wonderful child who will just flash me the “I Love You” sign, just because he happens to be walking by or just randomly peek around the corner to say “I love you, Mom”.

Happy Thanksgiving…….

If you knew…. Peggy Sue..

DC is not always a fountain of information. Most of the time it is very difficult pulling information out of him.
A few weeks ago, he left for his volunteer job at a local theater at 5:00pm (with his job coach, Mrs. H.). Volunteers have to arrive 2 hours before show time to put the programs together for that performance and to get their assignments for that evening. DC is almost always assigned as a greeter – he passes out the programs to the audience members as they walk in and recites his line “Enjoy the show”.
At the beginning of each season, when I have to pick the dates he is available to work, the name of the show is not available – probably because they do not want the volunteers to choose only by what show they may want to see. I also have to work around his schedule and Mrs. H’s schedule, so I am really just looking at dates and nothing else. This particular show, as it turned out was Alton Brown from the Food Network. When their beginning of the show greeting duties are over, many times the volunteers are able to sit and see a good portion of the show.

At 9:45 I received a text from Mrs. H. I assumed it would say that they were on their way home, but no…. it said “We’re still here”. They finally arrived home at 11:00PM – After being there for 6 hours, the only information he gave me was:
“A man making ice cream” – that was all he had to say…
My friend Bill responded to my non-information post with:
“I LOVE it, with all that Alton does and his wild energy, DC found the most memorable part of Alton’s show! You could start a new Blog called “DC’s Cliff Notes of Live shows at the theater!” I love how our guys and gals simplify what they see and hear into something that is truthful & concise!”
So true….. and I may just do that, but the reviews just may be very short.

DC, his best friend BB and I had tickets for the Buddy Holly Story yesterday. DC did work the performance the night before, but he was excited to see the show again with BB.

On Saturday morning, DC was concerned due to all of the snow that had already fallen (5 inches) when we woke up:
tembling

Despite the snow, we made it.

They both just loved the show. They had a great time.
buddy holly

This morning, DC was full of information and chatter about the ‘wonderful’ time he had yesterday. I was there but he was determined to tell me about it anyway, and I’ll take it…. it was unprompted information.

So in DC’s words, his review of his day:

I had a nice time last ‘even-ing’.
I went to see Buddy Holly Story with my friend BB.
We danced and danced and danced.


We had a scared of fright – jump up – PHEW!
America the Beautiful favorite song.
I went to dinner and Donna and John and Mom – me too!
Perfect!

Translation:
“We had a scared of fright – jump up – PHEW!”
Fortunately we had box seats as DC jumped up as if he could not control himself any longer, to dance. I mentioned to him later that he scared me because he jumped up so fast. He was using part of his favorite phrase “You gave me a fright” from the Lindsay Lohan version of the “Parent Trap”.

“America the Beautiful favorite song”
DC does have a love for all patriotic songs. He even has a sign language dvd of only patriotic songs, but I suspect that he chose it as his favorite from the show because it was really the only song he was familiar with.

“I went to dinner and Donna and John and Mom – me too!”
Because the snow was supposed to be much worse than it turned out to be, BB’s mom offered to drop us off as her car is much better in the snow than mine is. We all went out to dinner afterwards.

So there you have it, DC’s review of his day. I know he had a great time as he is still talking about it.

As for the “blind scheduling” method for volunteers at the theater, I just received DC’s schedule for the second half of the season. The first show he is scheduled to work is “50 Shades, the Musical Parody”.

I think DC and Mrs. H will be hanging out in the lobby for that one………….

January reruns – Scotch Tape, Salt and Some Good Old Fairy Dust

In keeping with my winter rerun theme – remember back in the day when TV shows went into reruns during December and January instead of being replaced by something new? – I am re-posting an older blog from 2013, because, really…nothing has changed…..

I am still hiding pens, hiding scotch tape and keeping salt and pepper shakers out of sight – which means the Dr. Who salt and pepper shakers I received for Christmas are displayed on the shelf….. empty….. sigh

who

From February 2013:

Everyone needs a little “fairy dust”

Everyone needs a little Fairy Dust

Harassing my co-workers for their paper towel rolls for a project this week, made me think about the reasons I don’t buy paper towels myself. This then led me to think about all of the other things I don’t buy, have to hide or make adjustments to, around the house.

Shampoo: This is no longer an issue, but at one time and for many years if I forgot to take the shampoo out of the shower, most of the bottle would be used to paint a masterpiece and the rest went down the drain…… every time.

Paper Towels: Paper Towels are for shredding and only for shredding. On the rare occasion that I do buy them, they have to be hidden on top of the refrigerator. Hiding the paper towels makes them not very convenient for me to use and forgettable, so there really isn’t any point  in buying them at all.

Paper: Every single piece of blank paper in the house has a Disney character’s name written on it. Teachers, Camp councilors and  anyone else I have to write a note to, receives that note on our exclusive custom stationary. After a few weeks of notes to camp, the Director finally asked “Do you guys do ‘A Character a day or something’?” No, unfortunately nothing that creative, I just can’t keep the paper out of the hands of my in-house stationary designer.

Construction Paper: Construction paper is also used specifically for character names, BUT according to the rule made up in his head,  these sheets can not and will not be saved. They MUST be cut up into small pieces with scissors and spread out all over the floor. He must also write on each sheet of  an entire package of paper before he begins the job of shredding/cutting. A few pieces just doesn’t do it. A package of construction paper will only last an hour or two after it has been opened.

Old Grainy picture of DC surrounded by shredded construction paper.

He has been a bit better with the construction paper lately. He still writes his character names. He still will not save them as he does with plain white paper, but now at least, he rips them up, one at a time and throws them away. –  (say it with me….) Progress!

Baby wipes (or hand wipes): Wipes are used for “Cinderella chores” ; washing the floor and door. This could actually be a good thing if he didn’t use  20 of them to wash the same spot on the same floor and the same spot on the same door. We don’t buy wipes anymore.

Scotch Tape: Scotch tape can be used on anything and for anything. For the most part, it is used to tape up pages in his books. Some books require an entire roll for just the smallest tear. Scotch tape can also be used to build a drum out of a cup or a bowl. He covers the top of the cup or bowl with tape….. a two roll minimum of tape, and this is his drum. Yes, creative, and yes he figured this out by himself but now I have to hide my tape in the cellar if I hope to find any when I need it.

His very own scotch tape is now an item on all of his Christmas/Birthday lists. One friend in particular has been very creative with her gifts of scotch tape. He just loves them!

Scotch Tape: For the boy who has everything!

Pens: No matter how many pens I hide for myself, I can not ever find a pen. He has all of them…… somewhere, I don’t know where and he is not telling. He will return the pens that don’t work –  those are always readily available.

Buttons: If there is a button there, it needs to be buttoned. Years ago I thought I was being sneaky by removing the top button on all of his shirts so he would not insist on buttoning everything right up to his neck. I discovered I was not as slick as I thought I was one day when DC brought me one of his shirts to have the button removed. He knows there should be a button there and knows I’m cutting it off, but for some reason this is alright with him. Leaving it on and not buttoning it, is not.

Other clothes: All tags must be removed from all clothing. If he should find the smallest rip, tear or string, he will proceed to shred that article of clothing. It may take him all day, but he will make sure it can never be worn again. Just recently I mistakenly bought him a pair of jeans that had ready-made tears in them. When I realized, I was sure this would be a disaster, but for some reason, it was fine with him. He wears them quite regularly…….. figure that one out. I can not!

Salt: We do not keep salt or sugar on the table. Salt is used as fairy dust. If it is not being sprinkled on his food, then there is no other use for salt, except to be used as fairy dust. Crumbs, the cereal dust at the bottom of the cereal box, crushed chips and a number of other items can also be used as fairy dust, but salt is the ultimate in fairy dust.

I’ve been “Fairy-Dusted” many times, so has the kitchen, the living room, restaurant tables and his uncle when, a few years back, DC got his hands on some cotton candy sugar at a picnic (Cotton Candy Sugar = Pink and Blue Fairy Dust; what could be better!)  Delightfully he took a very large handful and “dusted” his Uncle’s head yelling;

“Think of a wonderful thought” 

Who doesn't need a little Fairy Dust every once in a while?

His Uncle didn’t get it……..

But really…..who couldn’t use a little fairy dust every once in a while?

(He is better with salt these days, but I  will not keep it on the table, it is just too much for him to resist)

The Christmas Vacation Dilemma

A few days before Christmas, I read a post from another favorite blogger of mine, Mother O’ Jim, titled “When Delaying is Enhancing…” . The blog was about her son’s Christmas anxiety over a gift he knew he was going to receive (give it a read if you have a minute) and the steps taken to minimize his anxiety.

While I was reading this post I was thinking about DC. Although he does get very excited and anxious around Christmas-time, reminding me many times everyday that “Christmas is coming soon” – he does not seem to get as anxious as Jim from the blog.

I was a little bit concerned about this Christmas though. Everything about this holiday season seemed to be different. Thanksgiving is normally spent at a restaurant (the same restaurant) with DC, Doug, my brother and sister-in-law and at times, my niece. This year, my niece had moved out of state a few months earlier and Doug was away on a cruise with his sister and his father. The restaurant even seemed to be different, more crowded and much less organized.

DC’s Dad decided to go to Florida for an undetermined amount of time. He left in mid-November. He would not be here around Christmas for DC and for the first time ever, we decided to take our vacation a few weeks earlier than usual and were scheduled to leave Christmas morning. We had to leave the house by 8:30 in the morning.

DC does understand that now that he is an adult, Santa only brings his stocking. The rest of the gifts are from me (Mom). But, would he understand when he woke up on Christmas morning to only a stocking, even if he received the same big pile of gifts the night before? I explained this to him over and over again and he said he understood. This NEVER means that he really understands.

After reading the blog I spoke of earlier, I got a little bit more anxious about it. Jim was happy to get his gift early as would DC, but I know in his head, this would not – even if he agreed that it would – eliminate the expectation of the Christmas morning pile of gifts. I know this from the many, many times I have given him choices to do “this” or have “this” now instead of later or instead of doing or having something different. He agrees but then still expects whatever he traded away.

I realized that I would have to do more than explain it to him over and over again. I thought about showing him pictures, but then I realized that it would make more sense to him and he would not think he’s missing out if he saw the same pile of gifts just being given at a different time.

So I took a photo of our tree and another of the bookcase where Santa usually leaves his stocking and I usually leave his surprise gifts. Then I cut out photos of presents that I could move from one place to the other so he could see that he would be getting the same amount of gifts, just earlier than usual.

(These photos are not of our tree. The originals were terrible. It seems that every time I need to print – the ink just about gone)

Normally after opening gifts at my mother’s, we come home and DC opens the gifts that are already under the tree. There is usually only a few because he knows he’ll be receiving Mom’s hidden gifts in the morning with his stocking from Santa.

normalxmaseve

Gifts from Mom on Christmas Eve

More gifts from Mom and Stocking from Santa on Christmas morning

normalxmasday

More Gifts From Mom and a Stocking from Santa

 

 

I had him move the gifts himself, from Christmas morning to Christmas Eve.

vacaxmaseve

Christmas Eve – ALL of Mom’s Gifts

 

 

So…..Christmas morning would be just Santa.

vacaxmasday

 

(Santa would surprise him with another stocking at the hotel when we arrived, but he was not aware of this yet)

We did this every day until I was as sure as I could be that he understood that he was getting the same amount of gifts… just earlier.

Still I was a little bit nervous about Christmas morning….

He was up very early as usual – this was fine since we had to leave early.
He saw the stocking filled with everything he’d asked Santa for. He was happy, maybe not as excited as he usually is, but he wasn’t disappointed – that had been my biggest concern.

There was enough time to use and
play with everything in the stocking and enough time to watch the entire Peter Pan Live DVD he’d asked for.
He never made it through the 3 hour version when it was live on TV, but without commercials, it was only an hour and a half!
I am still not a fan….but this time around, DC really enjoyed it.

As DC would say, “Phew, I was very nervous about this!”

Fortunately, it worked out well and he had a Merry Christmas!

Not so “literally speaking”

We all know that DC is very literal (see Literally Speaking)  in his speech and way of thinking. Aside from his black and white,  no-gray-area way of communicating and understanding and his just one mumbled word responses, his manner of speaking is at times very formal, for lack of a better word. Much of his language stems directly from the many books he reads and movies he watches.
He calls the cabinet a ‘cub – board ‘ <cupboard> (emphasis on ‘board’), not because he thinks it is funny,  because that is what it is. That is what he’s learned from his books.

For example, when he knows I happen to have a Friday off from work and he wants me to come to lunch at his program –

“*Vickie, would you be so kind to join me for lunch on Friday at <insert the name of his program>” ~ the whole name please, not the Acronym used by the everyone else ~

 –  (*yes, he calls me Vickie from time to time. In his mind, he is an adult and that is what he should do. It does not bother me in the least. Last night, for some reason, it was “Ms. <Last name> and that is fine too)

He does ask me from time to time, what a word means, not that he will incorporate the word into his vocabulary, he would just like to know. Every once in a while he will make a connection with one word and other in his head. I am always in awe when he manages to do this on this own. This seems to be happening much more lately.

For many years “Wonderful” was his choice when he had a good time or liked something very much. He has started replacing “Wonderful” with “Terrific”. Not a huge deal, but he figured out that it means the same thing and it is a little less formal than “We had a wonderful time”.

A few weeks ago, I was telling DC that we were out of something, I don’t remember what it was at the time, but it was something he was expecting to have for dinner. I explained that we were all out,  it was my mistake, I didn’t know we were out (things tend to go over better with him when it is my fault :).

His reply???

“No problem”

NO PROBLEM!!!!!!

I have never heard him use that phrase, ever. Somewhere along the line he figured out what it means and used it appropriately.

A while back DC and I were having a movie night. DC was waiting in the living room to watch “Maleficent” and I was in the kitchen getting the pizza ready ~ actually I was in the kitchen bleeding all over the counter trying to find a Band-Aid. Not an easy task with “Mr. Band-Aid” in the house – but that is beside the point. Searching for a band-aid box that was not full of band-aid wrappers but no band-aids and mumbling under my breath –  from the living room I heard; “Gee, I wonder what Vickie is up to”.

GEE????

IS UP TO ???

I wrote that one down as soon as DC brought me a Band-Aid from his hidden stash.

In my last post you may have heard “We have to get moving”.

GET MOVING  instead of  we have to go!!!!

I asked him to help me open a Peanut Butter jar – he tried, but he could not get it to open either.

“It won’t budge”

BUDGE?????

Let’s not forget the day he was “in sympathy” for sneaking chips. There have been so many more, but you get the picture. It throws me a little bit every time he comes out with a new one, but it is exciting. It shows me that he is paying more attention to what goes on around him and he is listening to much more than he lets on.

There are still many literal, black and white moments and DC still very rarely refers to himself as “me”.

Recently at a Best Buddy walk, both of his Buddies asked him where he got the Star Trek shirt he was wearing…..

“DC’s room” 

 

 

 

 

Lessons learned on the “Santa Train”

train

(Code word of the day: “Supplement”)

The other day, I read a post from one of my favorite bloggers, Autism-Mom. The post, FEELING THE MAGIC was about her son questioning the existence of Santa Claus. Give it a read if you have a minute, it is wonderful.

As parents, we all come to this crossroad sooner or later. It is a sad milestone. It begins to be difficult for them to understand and believe in something that they can not see. Sure we see Santa and his helpers quite often during the months before Christmas, but never during his Christmas Eve deliveries. This causes our children to question his existence. Why can’t they see him? Why must they be asleep? As I explained to DC, Santa has a job to do. If he took the time to stop and visit with the children in every house he delivered gifts to, even with his magic, he would never be able to finish in time to get back to the North Pole to celebrate Christmas with Mrs. Claus and the elves.

It took DC many years to understand Santa. He knew he would receive gifts, but the whole idea of Santa was not something that could be understood easily. His not understanding, did not stop Santa from leaving him gifts.

When it finally clicked and he did finally get it, he was all in! Now that he does understand, he would never and will never question his existence.

The one problem was, DC ‘s Christmas requests have always been small (in size) gifts. Santa could very well bring him 20 DVD’s, but the pile of gifts (visually) would be very small. DC doesn’t understand cost/size vs. number of gifts. He expects a very big pile of gifts. So, over the years I would always “supplement” the Santa pile with gifts of my own.

Being a single mother for more than 20 years now, I am the sole “supplement-or” (yes, I know that is not a word) of DC’s gifts. Which means I not only “add” to what Santa brings just to make the pile look more exciting for DC, but I also, of course, have to buy additional gifts from ‘Mom’. This gets to be a little bit overwhelming for me, not only in cost, but in trying to come up with other gifts ideas to make that “pile” he needs to see.

Now that DC is an adult, and the items he asks for are smaller still, it is becoming harder and harder to “supplement” Santa’s  gifts, to make that Christmas gift pile”,  I did finally have to confess to him that some parents, with adult children, have to help Santa out a little bit. Santa has so many little children to deliver packages to on Christmas Eve, that it is hard for him to get to everyone. So now that the is an adult, Santa only delivers his stocking and the rest of the gifts in his pile are from Mom. Santa always did a pretty good job with his stocking, by the way. He was fine with this. As long as Santa is coming, even just to bring a stocking, all is well.

Coincidentally, the morning I read the post from Autism-Mom, was the day that DC, his best friend, BB, BB’s Dad, Doug and I were going to take a ride on the Santa train.

Earlier this week, BB had just been told by one of his other friends that he was too old and should not still believe in Santa. He was upset by this, but BB knew better. He knew he was correct in believing.

Both DC and BB were very excited about riding the train. They always have the best time when they are together anyway.

stst2

Santa boarded the train a few minutes into our trip. He received more hugs that he expected, I imagine.

BB mentioned to Santa, what his friend had said to him that week. Santa took a little bit of time to talk about it with BB and DC.

(This video below is very poor quality – it was dark on the Santa train, but you can hear some the conversation and Santa’s advice to BB)

“Those who don’t believe, well they are the one’s that are missing out” ~ Santa Claus

So there you have it, straight from Santa’s mouth. BB felt much better. He knew it before but now he really knows that he was right all along…

There is no elf on our shelf

I have never attempted  “Elf on the Shelf” with DC. It looks like fun but I am not quite sure that he would “get it”, and if he did, I would be terrified to ruin the whole thing by forgetting to move the elf every day.  Unfortunately, the anxiety of forgetting is still never a guarantee that I will remember when it was time for Elf to move to a different spot. Then,  as *Geri said to me on Wednesday, “I don’t know where I put Derek the Elf last year. I have to find him by tomorrow” – I would always be in that same boat – I am notorious for putting things away that are never to be seen again.

Not participating does not stop me from harassing my two co-workers with clever photos of Elf ideas that I come across. If I am not going to do this, then they darn well better get creative about it for their kids. I mean someone should use the ideas that I would have used if Elf lived in our house, right?

(please pass the “pressure”)

Last year, Elf seemed to be everywhere. I do not know if it had become more popular or if it was due to the fact that two of my friends/co-workers, *Al and *Geri were elf’ing it for their children and that many of my instagram friends were posting daily photos of elf and his/her activities at their house. Whatever the reason, I found myself feeling guilty not having done this for DC.

After thinking about it for a while, trying to come up with something else to do in place of Elf, something that didn’t depend 100% on my memory –  I thought about his love for Christmas ornaments and our annual “ornament ritual” and came up with an idea.

DC loves ornaments. He always did. When I come across an ornament of a character, book, food or object that he loves, I buy it and save it for Christmas. Our tree generally goes up the day after Thanksgiving. DC loves going through all of his ornaments and hanging them on the tree. He is at the point now where he can unwrap and hang them all himself. He has accumulated so many  over the years that there is no longer room for any other ornaments on the tree – my Star Trek collection has not seen the light of day in many years.

Kirk, out!

Depending on the amount of ornaments I have stockpiled ahead of time each year, one is placed under the tree every few days. DC knows that if the gift is wrapped in aluminum foil, he has permission to open it.

I decided I might try hiding the ornaments around the house every few days. In making up this new tradition, there were no rules and appointed times that I needed to adhere to. I decided I would not tell him about this hunt, but I would hide the fist one or two new ornaments in places where he could not possibly miss seeing them, until he got used to not finding them under the tree.

I hid the first ornament on the shower rod, knowing there was no way possible that he could miss this. If he didn’t see it the second he walked into the bathroom, then he would definitely see it the moment he looked in the mirror. There was no way he could ever miss this ornament!

popcorn

He missed it……

It hung there the entire day. He even took a shower and did not notice it. Finally I had to tell him that I thought I saw a new ornament hanging in the bathroom – only then did he find it.

I hid a new ornament the following day. It was sitting right on top of the shoe basket. One of the first things DC does when he walks in the house is take his shoes off. There was no way he would not see this one.

glass slipper

He didn’t…….

This was not going as well as I expected. He was happy as he always is to receive a new ornament, but the whole surprise of just happening upon a new ornament was not what I’d hoped it would be. I just about had to point them out to him. I could have just continued on with the ‘aluminum foil package under the tree’ tradition.

I decided I would leave a note each time there was an ornament to be found.

This helped in his search, but still,  the ornaments that were right out in the open and visible seemed to be the most difficult for him to find.

pinocio

 

bazingarescuers

For a child that never misses anything, he was missing a lot.

Even odder – the ornaments that were hidden well out of plain sight, were found almost immediately, before reading the notes or clues. He went right for them.

cupfrozen

hooksnowBy the time Christmas rolled around and the last ornament was hidden and found, he had finally gotten the hang of it. He was having fun with it.

ariel

So, we’ll chalk last year up to a ‘trial run’. Here’s hoping this year I can get a little bit more creative with the hiding places and maybe leave clues instead of plain old notes. But still, our new tradition is not Elf on the Shelf – funny how these silly, little things can make one feel so guilty.

My stockpile this year does include a “Buddy the Elf” ornament which will be hidden on the shelf.

 

That counts, right?

 

 

 

 

 

 

….and they cancelled Halloween – Part Two

~As you may have read in Part One – during the “Halloween Nor’easter of 2011, we lost power on Saturday night, October 29th~ Now it was Monday.

Monday, morning came. It was Halloween and still no power. I regularly take Halloween off from work, so luckily we did not have anywhere to be. DC had his ‘un-toasted’ toast for breakfast. I realized in my fervor to find coffee the day before, I never had anything to eat (“The Storm Diet” was a ‘terrific’ diet while it lasted) – so I joined DC for some ‘untoasted toast’, went to work again on the ‘*RS Room’ and began mapping out a new coffee hunt.

Before we left on our coffee hunt, DC’s Dad showed up. He delivered a contraption that he made from a car battery. This was, in my opinion THE best thing ever! A place to charge phones, plugs for lights or whatever else I needed to plug in, although the coffee pot did not occur to me at the time, lights for DC, did.

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The downside…… he wanted to take DC with him to his house. Now of course I want DC to be somewhere warm, with power, water and without a RS Room, but on the other hand, I don’t ever want DC and I to be separated during any sort of emergency type of situation; I just want him with me, plain and simple.

Now feeling very cut off from the world, I began my ‘coffee quest’ alone. The Dunkin Donuts I found the day before was no longer open. I stopped at a nearby hotel – knowing full well that there were no hotel rooms available in the state, but I was there, so I may as well check it out. I felt silly even asking and of course there was nothing available.

Tonya, Coach and I tried to keep tabs on each other during this whole fiasco, but with my phone not really working, it was difficult. Fortunately, Tonya called while I was still out driving. She called to say that another friend, Pat, had just had her power restored. She had invited us all to come for dinner and trick-or-treating in her neighborhood. Our kids trick-or-treating together has become somewhat of a tradition. No matter how many Halloween parties DC attends and no matter how many different costumes he gets to wear before Halloween, he still wants to wear a costume ON Halloween. I, for one was tired of the stares and comments when out trick-or-treating with an 18, 19, 20-year-old alone. Going out in a group just seems to work out better.  I immediately called DC’s Dad and told him he could keep him there for the day, but he needed to be home at 5. He was not going to miss Halloween if I could help it and if Pat had her power back, it wouldn’t be long for us to have our power restored.

I kept myself occupied the rest of the afternoon alternating between working on the RS Room and searching for coffee. Finally DC came home. I got him into his costume while it was still light out. I have to say, we planned this costume well…… “Elf” complete with a snowy background.

DC was happy to see his friends, happy to be celebrating Halloween and happy to be somewhere with power. Pat and her neighbors were happy not to be stuck with all of the Halloween candy they had purchased ahead of time.

 

 

bam bam

 

Elf, “Gabriella Montez” (from High School Musical), Sly Stallone and Pebbles were ready to hit the road for trick-or-treat. Surprisingly, almost every house was ready for this last-minute Halloween. Trick- or- Treating with snow on the ground was an  experience they will not soon forget, I am sure. I will never forget it, for sure.

After covering the neighborhood, carrying full bags of candy, it was time to head home. I was still living under the delusion that this would be over by the time we arrived home that night – it was not. We piled on our “storm wardrobe”,  comforters, blankets, etc. and went to sleep. I had to be back at work on Tuesday and when Tuesday morning arrived I still wasn’t sure that there was power at the office, but off we went. Driving to work, I realized that I was preoccupied with hanging branches. This preoccupation lasted for many months after this storm. Even now, when it is windy or stormy, I find myself watching the trees as I am driving.

There was power at the office and DC was able to sit and watch some movies on his laptop. I was just considering bringing him back there that night to sleep in my office, when my mother called. Her power was back so we made plans to go there.

The next two days went pretty much the same as Tuesday. Work, home, check for power, work on RS Room, pack some things and go to Grandma’s before it got dark.

In the morning –  stop home, check for power, work on RS Room, go to work with DC. I really have to say that for a child so very afraid of storms, lightning, clouds, thunder and the power going out – he was a real trooper. I was proud of him. It was almost as if he was able to put his fears and the behavior that goes along with those fears on hold for the duration of this storm and aftermath.

On Thursday night at about 8pm, I called my landline – another thing I did regularly when we were out of the house, and the machine picked up! We had power!

My mother wanted us to wait until morning to leave but I could not think of anything else but getting the RS Room working and clean. DC was beside himself yelling, “My powers is back!” (DC-speak; his powers)

Home – RS Room fixed and clean – everything went quickly back to normal.

All but one party was rescheduled – our “cancelled Halloween” had become a weeklong event running into the second week of November.

Best Buddies held their party on the following weekend – Pebbles and Bam Bam attended – with “Gabriella Montez”, and Best Buddy, Steve of course.

 

Many of the surrounding towns officially cancelled Halloween and rescheduled it for the following week – our town did not. We did receive a flyer in our mailbox from a neighbor with young children asking that the neighborhood join in for an hour-long  trick-or-treat on Saturday night. DC and I participated and then headed out to the next town over – where Halloween was officially rescheduled – to visit a friend and celebrate “Fake Halloween”.

We just happened to have one more unused costume set on-hand that we could not let go to waste.

“Yes, Captain Hammer’s here, hair blowing in the breeze. The day needs my saving expertise”*

Because “A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do” * (and a Mom too)

 

I do understand that others had it much worse. My friend Steve had no power for 11 days. 11 Days!!!!! I would have had to just move away at that point. I hoped that because DC had gotten to the point during this whole ordeal where he seemed to be able to put his fears aside, that this new attitude would carry on through to the next storm – it did not.

School had been cancelled throughout this whole power outage. Between hurricane Irene in August and the Halloween nor’easter, all snow days had been used up for the school year and it was only early November.

On the UP side……….. I did loose 5 pounds on the Halloween nor’easter diet and I did get one of those store-bought contraptions from DC’s dad for Christmas that year.

It does have to be charged every few months and each time it comes out, DC gets nervous.

 *RS Room – Raw Sewage Room

(*Joss Whedon’s “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-A-Long Blog – 2008)

….and they cancelled Halloween (Part One)

(In a recent post, Second Star to the right……. and hang a left, written about our ‘escape’ from hurricane Irene, I mentioned that we were not as lucky a few months later)

It was Friday, October 28, 2011 we were gearing up for a marathon Halloween weekend. Now,  I can be a lot of pressure on Halloween, I know this, but my friends seem to put up with it and fortunately DC loves Halloween as much as I do, so the “pressure” is not too much for him; he enjoys it.

On Friday night we met my friend Coach and her daughter, Candy at the haunted mansion. The ‘kids’ looked quite terrified, but they made it through. DC, although he looked like he was about to fall apart, wanted to go again, while Candy decided to sit out the second go-round.

Mansion

Coach, Candy, DC and I met Doug at a local diner for dinner afterwards. Doug was leaving that night for another leg of his quest to golf in all 50 states. He would be away for more than a week.

After dinner we all went home to get prepared for the 3 party marathon we had scheduled for the following day, one more on Sunday and then of course, Monday was Halloween. Usually the parties are spaced out a little more, but this year they were all crammed into the same weekend. It took a lot of planning costume-wise. The parties were back to back, and DC has grown accustomed to having a different costume for each party and another for Halloween itself (I love this child!!!) so I had to plan the best way for him to make quick changes between each party.

Saturday was a beautiful sunny day. I took this photo at noon outside the house right before we left to meet Tonya and DC’s friend, Salli at their house to begin our marathon.

Puck before the storm

As soon as we arrived, Tonya told me that her husband, Rick mentioned that the weather people  were predicting snow; heavy snow. He warned that it could get really bad out on the roads and there still being  leaves on the trees, may make matters worse.

What????

It’s October!

How much snow could we possibly get in October?

(We totally missed the “leaves are still on the trees”, point – What could that possibly have to do with anything?)

We decided that he didn’t know what he was talking about and even if he did – the sun was still partially shining – this probably would not even begin until much later in the day. We were used to the weather people making a mountain out of a mole hill, so we decided to go full speed ahead with our party plans.

It took only 30 minutes to arrive at Camp for the party. The change in the weather in those 30 minutes was drastic!

The snow was really coming down!

Puck in the SnowSalli in the snow

Still in denial about all of this….How long could this possibly last – It is October! We went inside and joined the rest of the party-goers that were probably in much denial as we were. It seemed as though everyone that RSVP’d  attended and no one left early. It IS October, after all.

We met up with Coach, Candy, Katie and her daughter, Kate (who was dressed as Ariel; this made DC’s day). No one seemed overly concerned about the snow, the party went on as if nothing was going on and we really intended on moving on to the next two parties…..
until we had to get back on the road, that is….

roads

Okay, so maybe we should skip the other parties – they had already been cancelled at this point, we just did not know that.

Katie and Kate witnessed a terrible accident on their way home, but made it home safely. Coach and Candy got home safely as well. We arrived at Tonya’s house to find her son in the driveway, looking at the very large tree branch that had fallen on his car.  Okay – got it –  “leaves still on the trees” – it finally clicked. Their power was out. Tonya went into panic mode (panic mode is usually my role – Tonya is normally relatively calm about everything) – yelling at everyone to get out of the driveway and out from under the other low-hanging branches. Her son, on the other hand, looked relatively calm about the branch laying on his car. DC and I got into my car which was parked under another very large, now very low-hanging branch and started home.

Okay, allright, I’ll say it…….. Rick was right.

We live only one mile from Tonya’s house but it took us 45 minutes to get home. DC was stimming wildly and scripting loudly about the power – his worst fear – all the way.

We made it home and YES we had power, a little unbelievable as our neighborhood seems to lose power quite often, but we did have power and we were thrilled.

Home safely, WITH power, DC and I went about our normal routine assuming that all of this would be over by morning. Within 45 minutes of our arrival home, the power went out. DC was screaming from the bathroom, I told him to stay there, got a flashlight and went up to get him. I hunted about for more flashlights, got DC’s pillow and blankets and brought them down to the living room. THIS IS THE MOMENT, right here that the “sleeping on the couch” situation began. 3 years later, we are still sleeping on the couch most nights.

It was early but I tried to convince DC to try to go to sleep and the power would surely be back by time we woke up – I really believed that, I really did. Of course I had to stay right there on the other side of the couch, so I tried to get some sleep as well.

We woke up on Sunday morning and still no power. Still convinced it would be back soon, DC had breakfast, under protest. Even though losing power is one of the things he obsesses about, he just can not understand that I can not make toast. He can have bread with Peanut Butter (something he ate everyday for lunch), but it was morning and mornings are for toast, not bread. There was plenty of other non-refrigerated items that he could have, but no, he HAD to have toast. He finally gave in and had some “un-toasted” toast and we set out to find coffee.

My landline was down, my cell was only working sporadically. Most of the time, I had to drive to the center of town to get any reception at all. We kept taking short trips throughout the day in search of coffee. I didn’t want to drive too far as with no information to be had, I never knew what we’d be driving into, but on the other hand I needed coffee and DC needed something to do. He loves to and will read his books for hours, normally, but not during a power outage – he is just much too distracted and upset to do any of the things he normally would do.  I have driven him around for hours in the past when we had an outage, but this was different, there was really nowhere to go, trees and branches were still falling and I didn’t want to waste gas. I didn’t know where we would find an open gas station.

It was a very odd and unsettling feeling not really knowing what was going on out there. I felt cut off from the world. Between feeling cut off  and my “dropping dead and how long will DC be alone before anyone knows?” obsession – I was not having a good time.

The day was spent, dealing with what I affectionately named the “raw sewage room” -RS Room for short –  (Did I forget to mention that DC clogged the toilet the very second that the power went out? Did I forget that?) – and taking quick, not too long trips to find coffee. I did finally find a Dunkin Donuts (because apparently I always do) open at about 4pm. They did not have power and were just about out of everything but coffee was still available.  I’m not quite sure why or how they still had relatively hot coffee available with no power and I did not ask; I ordered the bucket size.

At this point, DC was no longer fixated on the power coming back, he was just defeated, very quiet, no emotion, just going through the motions. We got ready for the night to come, I made another attempt at fixing the “RS room’, we read for a while and went to bed. Worried about the cold, I had DC wearing thermal underwear, thermal socks, slippers and his very heavy robe. I began piling blankets and comforters on us and at the point when he had just about enough, he yelled, “Mom! I don’t want to be warm!” – of course he wanted to be warm, but it was his way of telling me that I was putting way too much stuff on him.

Monday, morning came. It was Halloween –  and still no power. Halloween was looking grim!

To be continued in “and they cancelled Halloween- Part 2”

(Happy Halloween to you all! Keeping our fingers crossed for No Storm today!)

Knock Three Times

knock three times

DC and I attend many events, activities and parties. Many related to his autism or specifically geared to special needs children and adults, many are not. Although I do write about some of these events or trips, I certainly do not write about all of them as, in most cases, there is nothing significantly related to DC and his autism to write about. This event was not going to become the subject of one of my posts; it had nothing to do with Autism, there would be no princesses, no wizard, no costumes, no bookstore – just DC, my mother and I attending a fundraising event hosted by an old friend of mine.

After attending, I do feel the need to write about it, and write about it from the perspective of DC and his autism and how, at times people really do go out of their way to make DC comfortable.

An old friend of mine invited us to his annual fundraising event.  We could not make it last year, I can not remember why, but we were available to attend this year. We invited my mother to go along with us. Knowing full well that a sit-down-dinner at a table with probably 6 to 8 other people would be tough for him (and me), I tried, as I always do, to relate* the event to something of interest to him.

Tony Orlando, The Honorary Chairperson, would in attendance. Now, I am old enough to know who Tony Orlando is, but I didn’t know how to relate him to something in DC’s world. There have been many times where I am surprised by who DC does know. Usually I find out that they are “the voice” of a character  in one of his movies. I checked on-line to see if Tony Orlando might have been the “voice of” anyone DC might relate to. He was not. But then I realized that whenever we hear “Knock three times” on the radio, I make DC sing along with me. We’ve done it enough times that he does now recognize the song. It is also one of the few songs that DC does not say, “Mom, please STOP singing!”

First hurdle, relating this event to something in his world – check!

The event was being held in the midst of our Halloween party season. We had already attended one party and we had a few more on the schedule in the next few days. The event’s description indicated that it would be a 40’s style gala. I did not know what that really meant but I went out and purchased a 40’s style men’s hat to go with DC’s suit.

Second hurdle, turning the event into a “costume party” – check!

My greatest concern was the seating arrangements. As I talked about in an earlier post, there are not many things that we avoid because of DC’s autism, but we do try to avoid situations where we will be seated at a crowded table with strangers.  There are times when it can not be avoided, and we get through it, but if I can avoid it, I will.

I am usually not a big fan of eating in the dining room with DC. The tables are crowded with strangers. I get anxious because DC, although pretty well-behaved in restaurants, can get a little bit loud and chewing with his mouth closed does not come naturally to him, he has to be reminded continuously. When he does remember on his own, he feels the need to point it out to me throughout the entire dinner. He likes to bring a book with him whenever we go out to eat, but at these crowded tables, it is not always possible, there just isn’t enough room.

I was never of the mind that other people should be made to just accept DC’s behavior. Yes, if I am trying to manage the situation I can live without the stares and comments – but letting him do whatever he wants in the name of awareness, is not something I ever subscribed to. I do not believe that every behavior can or should be blamed on his autism – it is never used as an excuse.

 

I was told that I had to e-mail someone for reservations before purchasing tickets. I am not one that ever asks for special treatment or accommodations for DC, but since I had to send an e-mail, I decided I would just mention that DC tends to get a little bit anxious in crowds and if they happened to have a table that was not full; would it be possible to be seated there? I didn’t want them to go out of their way or change anything around, I just thought that if there was already such a table available, I would appreciate it if we could be seated there. It wasn’t a deal-breaker, we were going either way, but since I had someone’s ear I thought it could not hurt to ask.

DC has issues with many types of clothing, more-so now than when he was younger, but there is nothing better, in DC’s eyes, than wearing a suit. I suspect the fact that people tell him how handsome he looks is the number one reason – if you neglect to tell him just how handsome he looks, believe me he will bring it to your attention. Add the hat “costume” to his already handsome apparel and he was over the moon.

The very first thing DC noticed upon arrival was the sign for the “Grand Ballroom”. I had not thought of this aspect when looking for things relatable for DC. Not only was he going to see the ‘voice of’ “Knock Three Times”, while looking handsome in costume, but we were going to the “Ball”! How did I miss that one?

We were in the lobby with quite a few others who had arrived a few minutes early. We were told that we had to wait a few minutes as the staff was still in the process of setting up. DC was having the normal anxiety he has upon arriving anywhere. I always know it is coming, he just needs a little time to shake it off. The woman at the door noticed he was having a difficult time, and shuffled us into the ballroom. We were away from the crowd and he didn’t have to ‘wait”. He would have been alright waiting with everyone else, but it would have taken him longer to shake his ‘arrival anxiety’, so I was very appreciative that she let us in.

We found our table. It was the very last table all the way in the corner. It was perfect.  DC, who generally is not aware of anything around him in terms of pushing his chair out, getting up from the table without looking to see if anyone is coming or putting his coat on, arms flying outward to accidentally hit anyone that might be in range, had room behind him so he would not bump  into anyone else’s’ chair or knock anyone over when he got up from the table. There was no one behind us to bother if he felt the need to get up and dance. We were the only people in the ballroom other than the staff and a few people I assume were with the organization, for quite some time. Not long after, Tony Orlando came down the stairs. I do not like to bother people. DC has had his picture taken with many people over the years but it was almost always as a photo op. I just do not feel right asking people that are not there for that reason, to take a picture. My mother, had other ideas. She reached into her box of ammunition and pulled out the ‘Mom Guilt’….. “Oh you have to!” , “He won’t mind, he’s used to it” (that went on for awhile),  she stared at me for awhile and then resorted to the sideways glance, “Now, Vickie” in a tone I hadn’t heard in years, I finally gave in, only under the condition that SHE had to do the asking.

She went over and asked him and of course he said yes. I don’t know what else she said to him, but he was happy to do it.

First, he told DC that he looked like a movie star. You know that won DC over completely. I told him that his friend BB and Mrs. H will be so jealous. (That is usually DC’s line when we go somewhere that he is excited to be, but I decided to use it just as an added incentive to help move him out of his anxiety).  Mr. Orlando was very good to DC. They had a little chat and he told DC that they would be “friends forever”, and DC certainly believes they will.

I am officially adding Tony Orlando to the list of people I will always hold in high regard  for not only taking the photo with him, but taking the time to actually try to have a conversation with him and making him feel special.

 

When they began letting all of the other attendees into the ballroom we realized that we were the only people that would be sitting at our table. One of the women that I had e-mailed before we purchased the tickets stopped by to be sure we didn’t feel as if we were being isolated. It was a perfect table and we did not feel isolated at all. We didn’t expect them to go that much out of their way to give us our own table, but I was so glad they did. DC had room for his ever-present book, he was able to get up and dance behind the table when he wanted to. There was a window right there that helped to keep him occupied; he loves to stand and just look out the window. When it got dark outside, the window then served as his own personal mirror.  There is no one that loves looking at himself in a mirror or any reflective surface more than DC does, especially that night , while wearing his new hat.

Third hurdle – Not siting at a crowded table – check!

He enjoyed watching the ballroom dancers they had performing. At one point I did take him out closer to the dance floor where he could watch them (and follow along, pretty well, I might add) from the sidelines. He sang along with “Knock Three Times” and they even had pizza bites as one of the appetizers! What could be better!

Forth hurdle – DC’s very limited food list- check!

He had a wonderful (oops) ‘terrific’** time. Fortunately the ‘drop the chocolate, frosted, cupcake strategically down the opening of his jacket’ incident occurred toward the end of the evening; the smeared chocolate all over his shirt, tie and the inside of his jacket did not ruin the entire evening.

I did contact my friend, Joe the following day to thank him and to let him know how much his people went out of their way to make DC comfortable. I appreciated everything they had done.

They have also been added to my list.

 

*(That “Everything is Related” post I keep threatening to write IS now in progress and will be posted at a later date)

** “terrific” DC’s latest word, replacing “wonderful”.