The things we know…. and the things we don’t

Just 5 minutes inside his head.

Just 5 minutes inside his head.

My friend Peg and I have often discussed just how fantastic it would be if we could just get inside our kids’ head for five minutes! That is all we wanted, 5 minutes…. 5 minutes just to see what is really going on in there.

We never really know, we may think we do, but we really, really don’t.

As much as I think I know my son like the back of my hand, there are still times when I realize I do not know anything at all.

For example, during his 3rd year of swimming with Special Olympics, his coach yelled over to me one day at practice “He just figured out he can open his eyes with the goggles on!” – At that point in time, he’d been wearing the goggles for practice twice a week and during competitions for as I said, 3 years. It never occurred to me or anyone else for that matter that he didn’t know he could open his eyes while wearing them. I suppose, that knowing him as I think I do, it should have, but – no, it did not.

I am relatively sure he does not understand “death”. Other than Bambi’s mother and Old Yeller (who was quickly replaced at the end), none of his favorite Disney characters ever die, really. If they do – it doesn’t last. Someone kisses them, or a spell is cast and there they are, good as new. I try to talk to him about death, due to my “dropping dead” obsession and because everyone dies eventually. I never want him to think I just left him, but I really can not say that he understands it at all.

DC seems to live in the present. Things change and he just changes with them. I had a conversation with my friend, Toni a while back. Her daughter can watch something like Full House and relate it to her own life – high school, college, get a job, buy a car, get married, and have children. DC watches but does not relate any of this to his own life. He went to high school because I sent him. He moved on to “college” because I sent him and so on. I tell him what to do and he does it. I have tried to have conversations with him about what he thinks should come next in his life, but these conversations just tend to go to “dinner” or whatever meal or activity may be coming up. His future is not a concept he can grasp. He lives in the present and doesn’t seem to think about anything changing in his life, things just change and he just goes with it.

So the other night DC was on a ‘picture drawing’ roll – Flowers for Mom, Hearts for Mom, Birthday Cake for Mom and then this…..

Wedding Cake ? For Mom?

Wedding Cake ? For Mom?

Needless to say I was a little bit thrown. DC’s Dad and I divorced when DC was 3. At the time, I didn’t try to explain it to him, I was too busy trying to get him diagnosed. It didn’t seem to faze him, he still saw his Dad every week and I was sure he would not understand any attempt I could make at explaining it to him. He never seemed to think anything of it. As marriage is something I never had or have any desire to do again, it is not something we ever talked about. Other than adding “Baby for Mom” to his Christmas list a few years ago, I never really had any indication that he might realize that things may be different here than at his friends’ homes. I am still not sure that he does. It has always been this way – it is what he is used to.
Most of his friends do have parents that are together and they also have brothers and sisters. But I still do not think he relates that to his own life. But again, every time I think I have him figured out he does something like presenting me with a drawing of a three layer wedding cake specifically for “Mom” and he has me guessing all over again.

That five minutes in his head, would come in very handy right now, but since I can’t have that, I am going to assume that he just really loves Wedding Cake and he just wants to share with his Mom………….


“This is mine” –just one more thing to file under “Things I should know by now”

"This is Mine"

“This is Mine”

Last week DC and I went out for frozen yogurt. Normally DC gets the “Bucket Size” with as many toppings as he can fit, hot fudge and whipped cream. I usually get the smaller size, no toppings and I throw mine on the scale quickly to see how much it weighs so I can track my points. I have to admit that most of the flavors all taste the same to me, but a treat is a treat especially if it works with point-tracking.

Earlier that day, I had French fries with lunch so I decided that my day was already blown – I might as well just go all out (yes, I can throw in the towel that easily – don’t judge).

DC likes his toppings but doesn’t understand that he can’t just keep heaping them on – they end up all over the counter. I taught him to put some on the bottom before he gets his yogurt, so that is what he does now. I took my own advice and put a layer of Butterfinger crumbs on the bottom of my “ bucket”  before picking out my yogurt flavor. We paid for our yogurt, complete with toppings, fudge and whipped cream and took a seat.

Half way through DC announced “This is mine”.


I didn’t know what that was all about but I said “Yes, Bud, that is yours”.

He announced again, “This is mine!”

Now I’m thinking that he was worried that I wanted some of his. (You know the commercial for macaroni and cheese “skimming”? That’s me! Guilty! He usually never comments on my skimming, so I was a little surprised that he was so adamant about the yogurt being “his”).

“Don’t worry, Mom has her own, yes, that is yours”.

We continued to eat our yogurt and when DC made it to the bottom of “his”, he showed me his spoon covered with MY BUTTERFINGER Crumbs and said “I don’t like this” (seriously, WHO doesn’t love Butterfinger crumbs!)

We had mixed up our yogurt buckets and he knew it. He was trying to tell me that the whole time. Now I know he confuses the words –  I, me, you, yours and mine but he was so adamant about telling me it was “his” and because of my assumption that the “skimming” was beginning to bother him  I just didn’t realize he was just reversing his words as usual!


So the lesson for that day was;

If I listened to what he was really trying to say, I would have gotten to have my Butterfinger crumbs!

And again, who doesn’t love butterfingers????!!!!!!

Just another item to file under “things I should know by now”