Once again I am heading back to an old website my friends and I used to run a good long while back. I have used some of the blurbs and stories from that page in two other posts: All the….. small things and We sure do have some stories, don’t we? The first was one of my most popular posts in the month of April, the second was relatively popular as well, so I decided to use the remaining stories/funnies in one more post.
“Some of the following blurbs are mine (DC was very young at the time) and some are from friends of mine but all of them show us that there is always humor to be found. We might at times learn something valuable – but most of the time it is just plain funny.”
A “Serious” Combination
My girls hate vegetables. Being a good “mother” I insist that they have to have two vegetables during dinner.
Tonight my younger daughter was sitting there pondering her meal and playing with the vegetables she is supposed to be eating. She quietly put a couple kernels of corn on her fork then added some peas along with them.
She held the fork up to me and asked…..
“WOULD YOU LIKE SOME PORN?”
(Peas + Corn = PORN)!!!
Several years from now, I will have to explain what my husband and I were laughing so hysterically about!
My son, who was non-verbal until he was seven, still uses his sign language often. He gave his sign language teacher and one of my friends an ornament of the “I LOVE YOU” sign as a Christmas gift. I – assuming that the “I love you” sign was pretty much universal, was surprised when my friend thanked him for the “Rock On!” ornament!
One day I had to take my son for what would be a very long doctor appointment. The parking area was one where you paid the parking attendant in the booth near the entrance to the building, not in the lot itself.
It was pouring rain when we went in but we were in the office for so long, that the rain stopped by the time we came out.
I was standing at the parking attendant’s booth counting change to pay for our parking before we walked to the car. As I was counting my son began to yell, “Hurry Up, Mom!” – I noticed the attendant laughing and I turned to see my son standing directly under a drainpipe – water pouring directly down on his head!
He thought it was still raining!
I said “*Bob, move over” – confused, he moved, put his hands out to check for rain and said “Oh”.
Children hear and remember everything (especially when you think they are not listening)
When a teacher turns to her assistant and says “It’s so hot in here, I’m dying.” you can guarantee that at least one student will go home in tears to tell his/her parents that Mrs. Blank is dying. It was time for a Parent-Teacher meeting anyway.
When his “Step Dad” tells him jokingly “P.U. you stink! Time to take a bath”, please understand that you will get a note home from school the following day informing you that your son was telling everyone he encountered “P.U. – You Stink!”
You can NEVER anticipate what will come out of their mouths!
While in line at a crowded grocery store, your child decides to recite a line from a favorite movie (something he does on a regular basis) – “Please don’t send me back! I like it here!” (Disney’s Summer Magic)
It is never too crowded a place to announce anything regarding bodily functions:
While shopping at the Disney Store, your 12 year is asked by his “Step Dad” if he would be able to wait a few minutes to go find a restroom. He proceeds to yell at the top of his lungs “POOP!” ……………I guess that would be a “no”.
My son wrote “baby” on his Christmas list to Santa.
Thinking he wanted another baby doll this year, I asked what kind he wanted
“BABY FOR MOM”
(I let that go).
Later I noticed he added “GIRL” to his list.
My Daughter came home today and told me that she had to do a writing prompt – the subject: What do you dislike?
Her opening sentence (a grabber for sure) was:
“Do you get hit everyday? I do, and I don’t like it.”
I could just envision the school calling DCF immediately!
All I could mutter was,…..OH MY GOD!………………….
Then she proceeded to tell me that she wrote about her Special Needs brother’s habit of hitting because he thinks it is funny, which was partially her fault because she would let him do it to make him laugh. She understands that he can not help it and she still loves him very much.
That, right there is the best way to end any post.