First Day of “College”

Posted by TakingItAStepAtATime

I had already decided which old post I was going to re-post for Finish the Sentence Friday’s “Share an Old Post” when I came across this status in my Facebook memories from 8 (gulp) years ago and decided (being that it is so timely) I would share the post related to the “college” status instead.

From the “Everything is Related” series:

Everything is Related – Toy Story

– Everything being related, many times, is the ability to relate one movie or actor to another. This has helped him to be more open to watching something that may not be Disney-based. This was not always the case, but now he can go and enjoy a movie with his friends or at an ARC activity without issue……..

–Everything being related, oftentimes just explains his love for a particular city, game, song or some of the many other things that he does or says.

–Everything being related, has, many times been used as a learning tool. “

This post is about just that…

DC as Woody and Candy as Jessie from Toy Story – Halloween

Again we start at Disney. Disney, Disney, Disney anything Disney. When the first Toy Story came out way back when, I wasn’t sure DC would really go for it at all. Yes, it was Disney, but it was not the Disney he was used to. There were no princesses, no castles, no Haley Mills and most of all, no music. Of course I know that there was music, but not the “Hollywood musical” type of music – characters would not be belting out a song at the drop of a hat. DC was never a “toy” kind of kid. He never really liked or played with toys, so the toys in the movie were nothing that he would be familiar with. But, to my surprise, he loved it AND the two that came after. This boy who does not like toys actually owned a Woody, Buzz, Mr. Potato Head and a Jessie. No, he did not want to play with them, he just wanted to own them.

Tom Hanks brought him to “The Polar Express” and of course “Saving Mr. Banks” (also related to Mary Poppins).

Tim Allen…..Tim Allen….. he loves Tim Allen. That love brought him to “Jungle to Jungle”, all of the Santa Clause movies, “Christmas with the Kranks” and “Home Improvement” (yes, woo hoo, an actual TV show)…. but there is more…..

When DC was younger, transitioning into a new school was never easy, but it did seem to be easier on him than some of his other friends (and me). “School age” for Special Education here is 3-21 years of age. So there were many moves and many transitions during his time in the school system – kindergarten building to elementary, to middle school, to high school. The school handled these transitions very well. They started early with many tours of the new school, picture books with photos of the classroom and other areas of the school and a few visits (orientations) with parents. DC was always anxious about these moves but he always did rather well due to all of the work the school system and I put in to make the transitions go as smoothly as possible.

The number of children in SPED in DC’s age group seemed to be much larger than the kids moving up in previous years. This meant that the schools they were moving up to had a lot more students to accommodate at one time than ever before. We always joked that our kids always seemed to be the “test subjects” for these new or expanded programs. At times this did not go well.

When DC was in his junior year, I started looking at alternate programs for him to attend for his last two years of school. DC would walk with his class at graduation at the end of his senior year (at 18) and then either spend two more years in the high school or I could have him out-placed into a different program that focused more on getting him ready for the next phase – a work/day program and life. I already knew I did not want him in the high school for another two years and I was already leaning towards another program the next town over. Mid-senior year, the high school announced that they were creating a transition program of their own in conjunction with a local university. It would be up and running in time for our kids to start that September. The program they came up with sounded wonderful but, our kids would be the first ones through and again the “test subjects”. This worried me.

On the other hand, I was torn because it had only been over the previous couple of years that DC recognized “friends”. He had real friends. Not just the children of my adult friends, but real friends. People that HE considered friends. Friends that he did things with and wanted to do things with. DC had always gravitated more towards adults and with the exception of his friend of many years, BB, he did not pay much attention to kids his age at all. I didn’t want him to lose that connection. I rationalized that “social skills” were one of his major issues and if I tried this program and really did not like it, I could always move him to the other program I was looking at earlier.

Putting this program together was a long process. Obviously there are many legal issues to address when creating this type of program. By mid-summer the other parents and I were beginning to panic that this program was not going to be up and running by September. Fortunately by August it was a go, but they had lost all of that transition time they would have had during the school year. We did get to visit a few times before the school year started and I did talk to him about it all summer. Some of my friends children have siblings that went off to college so in turn their children expected to go off to college too. DC doesn’t think like that. He doesn’t have any expectation of what should come next. He lives in the ‘now’ until the ‘now’ changes to a new ‘now’, but we were calling it ‘college’ for everyone’s benefit. “College, College, College” he was going to college. I was still worried, having missed all of that transition time.

Toy Story 3 had come out right around this time. We bought the DVD and watched it at some point during that summer. It didn’t even occur to me while we were watching it or even up to the point when DC was standing at the front door waiting for the bus on the first day of school, that he made a connection in his head with the movie…..

He turned to me and said “Mom, I am going to college, just like Andy in Toy Story”

….. and he was.

With that, everything was just fine.

****

This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday (5th Friday of the month) post –

Share anything previously written! Post an old post for some new eyes, write something new and link that to an old one…

Hosted by Kenya G. Johnson of https://www.kenyagjohnson.com/

and Kristi Campbell of https://findingninee.com/

Everything is related – Toy Story

Posted by TakingItAStepAtATime

The second in a series of “Everything is Related” entries:

Everything is related; from an earlier post – Everything is related – Mary Poppins to New York City:

– Everything being related, many times, is the ability to relate one movie or actor to another. This has helped him to be more open to watching something that may not be Disney-based. This was not always the case, but now he can go and enjoy a movie with his friends or at an ARC activity without issue……..

–Everything being related, oftentimes just explains his love for a particular city, game, song or some of the many other things that he does or says.

–Everything being related, has, many times been used as a learning tool. “

This post is about just that…

DC as Woody and Candy as Jessie from Toy Story – Halloween

EVERYTHING IS RELATED – TOY STORY…..

Tom Hanks brought him to “The Polar Express” and of course “Saving Mr. Banks” (also related to Mary Poppins).

The number of children in SPED in DC’s age group seemed to be much larger that the kids moving up in previous years. This meant that the schools they were moving up to had a lot more students to accommodate at one time than ever before. We always joked that our kids always seemed to be the “test subjects” for these new or expanded programs. At times this did not go well.

On the other hand, I was torn because it had only been over the previous couple of years that DC recognized “friends”. He had real friends. Not just the children of my adult friends, but real friends. People that HE considered friends. Friends that he did things with and wanted to do things with. DC had always gravitated more towards adults and with the exception of his friend of many years, BB, did not pay much attention to kids his age at all. I didn’t want him to lose that connection. I rationalized that “social skills” were one of his major issues and if I tried this program and really did not like it, I could always move him to the other program I was looking at earlier.

He turned to me and said “Mom, I am going to college, just like Andy in Toy Story”

….. and he was.

With that, everything was just fine.

The CALL TO ACTION – A Memorial for Avonte

Posted by TakingItAStepAtATime

Call To Action

– Co-written with Gizelle Tolbert

It has been close to 10 months since Avonte Oquendo left his school, unsupervised, past security guards, through an unlocked door. It has been almost 7 months since the devastating conclusion to the search for Avonte.

I do not live in New York, I did not know this beautiful child. I do not know his family, but this story hit he straight in the heart and I did anything I could do from where I live to help in the search. I remember the fear, and the worry, wishing I could do more than just donating flyers, postage or posting and reposting his information – and finally, I remember the heartbreaking, overwhelming and shocking feeling when he was found. All of it……… too close to home.

When Gizelle contacted me a few days ago asking if I would help in the effort to build a memorial for Avonte, all of those feelings came right back up to the surface.

As it has been said, Avonte, brought an entire city together. His disappearance brought an often, very separated Autism community together. It cast a spotlight on the problem of wandering/elopement of Autistic children and adults. He has raised awareness to the issues that many families face in trying to keep their children safe. Our children should be safe, at all costs…………. Avonte should have been safe in school.

– Avonte Oquendo should be memorialized, in any and every way possible.

Please read below and lend your support to Avonte’s Memorial

– written by Gizelle Tolbert

– “The one year anniversary of Avonte’s disappearance, October 4, 2014, is less than three months away. #AvontesLaw may finally pass this week, but Avonte’s Memorial at Gantry Park has stalled. We need to come together to be sure that both of these items are approved.

That being said, we ask that you to share, post, call and write (have your friends and family do the same) the necessary people who can help make this happen.

Please e-mail, mail, tweet or phone your thoughts to every major network, radio station, newspaper and magazine.

Ultimately, Mayor Bill de Blasio will be the person to approve or not approve, therefore, let us post to the other media entities but more-so to the mayor’s office. I have provided the contact information for his office, Twitter and FB Account.

I would like to thank everyone in advance!

It has also been rumored that a song will be released on the anniversary day as well”.
Contact:
Mayor Bill de Blasio
City Hall
New York, NY 10007 Phone: (212) 788-3000

On-Line Contact Form: http://www.nyc.gov/html/static/pages/officeofthemayor/contact.shtml

Twitter: @billdeblasio
FB: https://www.facebook.com/mayordeblasio

New York City Media Contact List http://www.nytix.com/Links/TV/articles/newsmediacontacts.html

Additional Contact and e-mail addresses missing from the above list:
CBS News – Chris Ender – VP – cender@cbs.com
60 Minutes – Kevin Tedesco – Director kev@cbsnews.com
NBC – http://www.NBC.com (on-line form)

If you would like to contact Gizelle, you can contact her on Twitter @candi_kizzez or e-mail takeanotherstep@yahoo.com

Please let us all join together once more in Avonte’s name and memory…………

Sometimes “I told you so” is just good for the soul

Posted by TakingItAStepAtATime

DC in Uniform – Challengers Baseball

DC played baseball with the *Challengers League from the time he was 5 until he aged out last year at 21.

The “official” Challengers field in town is located in front of the school he attended for Birth to 3, Early Intervention and Kindergarten. Needless to say he was in this building and with many of the same teachers for a good 4 or 5 years.

I’ve had my battles with the school system over the years, but none so on-going as the need for speech therapy. This battle began in Early Intervention and continued on straight into High School.

Sign Language, I believed was absolutely necessary, thanks to my sister in-law, Lisa who convinced me that sign would not prevent him from speaking if he had the capability to eventually speak. It might lessen his frustration level at not being able to communicate (it did). But sign was not, in my mind ‘Speech Therapy” and should not be considered as part of the Speech Therapy hours listed in his IEP. Speech Therapy in a group setting also should not be counted as his speech therapy. Yes, he did need to learn to be able to focus in a group setting, but focusing in a group setting is not speech therapy, it is learning to focus in a group setting.

I can’t tell you how many of these teachers told me he would never speak. One speech therapist, Barbara, actually told me that I was obsessed with DC speaking and “You know, if he isn’t talking by now, he probably isn’t going to”. He was 5 at the time.

They went so far as to schedule and pay for an evaluation at a well known Medical Center to have him evaluated for a **“Talking Board”. I went to this evaluation, never intending for him to use a Talking Board, but to use the evaluation as proof he was capable of speech. As it turns out, this is exactly what the Doctor doing the evaluating said; he did not recommend the Talking Board and noted this in his report.

I didn’t give up on my battle with the school system, but I also didn’t want to waste any more time getting him the speech therapy he needed, I went out and got other speech evaluations and hired a private speech therapist. Liza was wonderful and made a great deal of progress with him. She was with him for many years. Armed with the evaluations and his progress, I was finally able to prove this to school system – Quite the Catch 22, he had to speak before they would agree to one on one speech therapy! Unfortunately it took a few years to get to this point with them; years that would have been wasted if he were not receiving the private speech therapy.

But back to baseball…….

Our league used a PA system and we always had a volunteer to announce the games. Each game was opened with the Pledge of Allegiance.

When I was President of the league, I decided that every player should have a chance to be in the spotlight. Each week two players were assigned as team captains and another player was assigned to do whatever they were capable of doing on the microphone.

Some led the pledge; some sang a patriotic song or just yelled “Play Ball!” If they were not verbal, they stood at attention at the Flag or threw out the first pitch.

Our games were played on Saturday mornings and Wednesday evenings. DC was about 10 years old and on this particular Wednesday when he was scheduled to be in the spotlight. Coincidently all of the teachers from the Early Intervention Program had been attending a meeting at the school after hours and decided to come down to watch the game before heading home. Most of the players had been their students at one time or another.

Many of them had not seen DC in about 4 years. Just imagine the feeling I had to see DC to go to the mic and sing “America the Beautiful” as clear as a bell with all of those “professionals” who years earlier told me he would never speak, sitting right there in the stands! I could not have PLANNED this if I tried!

Sometimes an “I told you so” is just good for the soul, even if you don’t have to

actually say it out loud.

*Challengers Baseball is a division of Little League for children with physical and intellectual disabilities

**”Talking Board” I don’t know what they might be called these days, but that is what they were called back in the 90’s.

A VERSION OF THIS POST WAS PUBLISHED ON THE MIGHTY – “They Told Me He’d Never Speak. Then They Heard Him Sing”