Semi-typical morning….

DC: “Mom I need help! Something is wrong!”

I run upstairs – due to his recent-ish development of seizures, I run a little bit faster with a bit more panic than I used to.

Me: “What’s wrong?”

DC (angrily) : “Nothing wrong!”

Me: “Bud, you called me and said something was wrong and you needed help. You have to try to tell me what is wrong.”

DC: “Nothing wrong!”

Me: “If you try to tell me I can help you”

DC: “Nothing wrong!”

At this point he is beginning to clench his jaw and arms to the point where his whole body is shaking. I go through the list of everything that would normally set him off in the morning:

• Did he find a pin hole in his sock?
• Did he get a drop of water on his shirt?
• Does he not like the shirt?
• Is there a tag I didn’t remove?
• Did I move something in his room?

“NO! NOTHING WRONG!”

Me: “Okay do you want me to leave?”

DC (getting more angry): “YES!”

I take all of two steps towards my room to get ready for work when I hear “Mom, come here. I need your help!” I turn around and am right in front of the door when he decides to slam it in my face.

Me: “DC, that was very rude. You called me to help you and you slammed the door.”

DC: “I’m sorry, Mom ‘for rude’. I will never be rude again!” and he opens the door.

Me: “Okay, Please try to tell me what is bothering you and I can try to help you.”

DC (still clenching) “NOTHING BOTHERING YOU!”

I went though the list of every aliment I could think of; headache, stomach ache, etc…..

DC: “NO! Nothing wrong!”

This whole back and forth continued for another 15 minutes (one might wonder why I either just make it or am late for work every day). He wanted me there but then he didn’t, so I decided to just sit there with him without asking him any questions at all. After a while he calmed down and was back to his happy, smiling self. Whatever was bothering him was not bothering him anymore. After 24 years of trying to figure out every little thing, I had to chalk this one up to not ever knowing what the problem was. Morning issues seem to end up in the unsolved column more often than ‘other time of the day’ issues.

Ready and waiting for his transportation to arrive he said,  “You are the best Mom I ever was” – something I never tire of hearing; exactly the way he says it.

But then….

“Mom, I try so hard”

Whether this was:

• one of those random phrases that he tends to throw out that does not mean what he thinks it means but often is shockingly  appropriate to the matter at hand
• or mixing up his pronouns meaning I was trying hard to figure out what was bothering him
• or he knew exactly what he was saying and was saying exactly what he meant…..

I opted for number 3. The fact of the matter is that he does always try very hard. As much as I have the need to figure it all out all of the time there will always be days when I can’t. As much as he would probably like to be able to tell me, there will always be those days when he can’t ~ and that’s all right. We will both keep on trying.